Of Nymphs and Wolves
by Kristen Elizabeth
Summary: If you blinked, you might have missed their love story...and that would have been as much of a beautiful tragedy as the story itself. Lupin/Tonks, through DH.
1. July 1996

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I haven't written anything Harry Potter in a couple of years, but the new movie (which had one squeal-worthy scene between my favorite couple) inspired me. This takes place between the Order of the Phoenix and the Half-Blood Prince. Enjoy! Thank you, Lisa, for the awesome beta and title help.

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_The heart is the only instrument that when broken, still works. - T. E. Kalem_

* * *

There wasn't a lot of blood dripping from Tonks's nose, but from the way Lupin reacted to seeing her limping into the front hallway of 12 Grimmauld Place with Bill Weasley's help, one would have thought she was on death's door.

"What happened?" Lupin thundered down the rickety staircase. His characteristically calm demeanor was gone when he reached them and noticed her swollen lip and bruised cheek. "Bill?" he demanded.

The oldest of Arthur and Molly's children ignored the accusation in Lupin's tone. Although his relationship with Fleur was very new, he imagined he'd feel the same sort of panic if he saw her injured in such a way as Tonks had been. "We had a bit of a run-in with..."

Tonks cut him off. "It's nothing I won't be able to mend on my own." She smiled at Bill as much as she could with her broken nose and split lip. "Thanks for having my back, mate."

"Any time," he assured her. Upon catching the mounting look of utter fear and frustration on Lupin's face, Bill made the quick decision to escape. "Well, I should be getting back to the Burrow. You know how Mum gets these days when one of us is unaccounted for. Tonks..." He offered her a grin of sympathetic support. "Take care of yourself."

"I'll try," was all she would promise.

"Remus." Even at hearing his name, the older man's eyes never left Tonks's battered face. Bill shook his head. "Later, then."

With a pop, Bill disappeared, leaving Tonks and Lupin alone in the empty, dusty house that had once been home to the noble Black family. Now, after Sirius Black's untimely death, ownership of the house was in a state of limbo. Would Harry Potter inherit his godfather's childhood home as Sirius had wished or would it revert to a less desirable branch of the Black family tree?

No one, not even Dumbledore, was sure just yet. But in the meantime, Lupin continued to live in the well-hidden rooms where only weeks earlier his best friend in the world had resided along with him.

It was, despite frequent visitors from other members of the Order of the Phoenix, a very lonely existence.

"If you don't mind..." Tonks's unusually soft voice seemed to echo off the walls. "I'll just wash up and be on my way, as well." She paused. "I told Bill not to bring me here, but he thought..."

"He thought what?" Lupin asked when she stopped short.

For the first time since she'd arrived, Tonks looked straight at him. "You do realize that most of the Order believes we're shagging like mad every chance we get, yes?"

Lupin's eyes grew wide; it might have amused her under different circumstances. "They...what? Why? How? I mean...we don't...we aren't..."

"Bloody hell, Remus." Hot tears stung her eyes as her hair faded from a brilliant pink to a sickly lavender. "You don't have to act as though shagging me would be the worst thing you could do." Before he could form a reply, Tonks brushed past him and started up the stairs. "I won't be a minute," she assured him. "And then you can have your peace and quiet back."

In the safety of the bathroom, Tonks shrugged out of her long maroon leather coat, surprised at how much the simple movement made her right side burn. She must have fractured a rib during the short encounter with a masked Death Eater on the fringes of Diagon Alley. If not for Bill's arrival, she might not have walked away as relatively unscathed as she had.

Tonks turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face, making the half-dried blood on her face drip down her chin. She looked a fright, she thought as she glaced up at the cracked mirror over the sink. Gripping the porcelain sides of the basin, she let out a chuckle that turned into a choked sob.

No wonder he didn't want her.

When Tonks looked back up, she startled to see Lupin's reflection in the glass, standing just behind her. "You could have knocked," she said, her ribs searing with each word.

"I came to help." She closed her eyes, letting his voice soothe her if only for just a moment. When he reached for her hand, Tonks slowly turned to face him, opening her eyes slowly. "Will you let me?" Lupin asked.

She let her silence answer for her. Lupin reached into the inside pocket of his threadbare coat and withdrew his wand. "_Episkey_." With a sudden burst of pain, her nose straightened and the cut on her lip closed up.

"Thanks," Tonks whispered.

After pocketing his wand, Lupin wet a washcloth and began gently wiping the blood from her face. A moment passed before he spoke again. "Tell me what caused this."

"I was...distracted," she admitted. "Caught off guard." She paused. "It won't happen again."

"Perhaps I should have clarified." Lupin set the stained cloth aside, but returned his hand to her cheek, as though checking her face for any further injury. Tonks's lashes fluttered at the feeling of his warm, rough hand on her skin. "Who caused this?"

She never wanted him to stop touching her. "Even if I knew, why would it matter?" She looked him straight in the eye as she reached up to cover his hand with hers against her cheek. "I don't need to be avenged, Remus. I'm a big girl; I can fight my own battles."

A shadow crossed his face. "Sometimes I forget just how young you are," he murmured.

His words were like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head. Numbly, Tonks pushed away from him, backing up until there was a safe distance between them. "And sometimes," she began, "I forget just how thick you are." Her ribs were on fire with each heavy breath she took. "If you don't want to be with me, Remus, that's fine. It's the wrong bloody choice, but it's yours to make. But what you can't do...what you absolutely cannot do is give me even the slightest bit of hope. Don't touch me...don't worry about me...don't come to my rescue. Because it hurts, Remus..." Every word sent a knife of pain through her ribcage and into her lungs. "It hurts too much...when you stop. And you always, always stop just short of..." Tonks closed her eyes. "...everything."

The speech had sapped the last of her strength and robbed her of what little breath she could manage to take. Her hand flew out to grab the wall as her knees gave out from under her and she collapsed to the tile floor.

Through the fog of near unconsciousness, she heard him call her name. "Tonks!" She felt weightless as his arms slipped under her body and she was lifted off the ground. She could feel his heart beating against her ear, so much faster than normal. He smelled of fresh laundry and something else. Something distinctly Lupin.

His lips touched her forehead. Just before the darkness claimed her, she heard him whisper, "Please don't give up on me, Dora."

* * *

She was only unconscious for a few seconds, but they were the longest moments of Lupin's life. As he carried her into the nearest bedroom...which just happened to be his own...her dark lashes lifted and she looked up at him.

"I'm...all right," Tonks panted, clearly in pain. "You don't...have to..."

"Don't talk," Lupin gently ordered. "It hurts to talk, doesn't it?" She dragged her full lower lip between her teeth, a reluctant affirmative answer if ever he'd seen one. "So..." Lupin laid her down on his bed with great care. Once she was settled, he looked her straight in the eye. "Don't."

She tried to scowl at him. "You never...want...to talk."

"Why don't we worry about healing your injuries first, before we rehash old arguments." Lupin sat on the edge of the bed, keeping a careful distance between their bodies. "Should I take you to St. Mungo's?"

"No." Tonks began to sit up. "I'm perfectly..." Her protest died as a look of agony came over her face. She instinctively grabbed her right side.

Lupin willed his hands to stay still. If he reached for her again, as he badly wanted to, he was afraid he'd never be able to let her go. "I'm certainly no expert, but it seems as though you might have a broken rib."

Tonks glared at him. "Brilliant, Professor." Supporting herself on one hand, she used the other to begin working at the top button of her form-fitting black blouse.

Lupin swallowed heavily when she managed to get the button undone and the notch of her throat lay exposed. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off...my shirt," she replied, as though she thought him mad for having to ask. "How can my...ribs be fixed...if..." She struggled with the next button. "...if they can't be seen?"

He had no reply. In fact, he was frozen in place as Tonks slowly, but steadily unbuttoned her top, paving a pale road of skin down to her waist. When she began to shrug her arms out of the sleeves, Lupin suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Black lace trimmed with a hot pink ribbon...what lay beneath the blouse was less of a bra and more of a mental torture device. How was a man expected to keep his right mind with such a flimsy garment inadequately covering such incredible...assets?

Apparently unaware of his silent anguish, Tonks tossed her blouse aside and lowered herself back down to the bed. With one hand, she began exploring her ribcage, searching for the most painful spot. Her actions might have been necessary, but the movements she was making also served to display her half-naked torso in such a way that made Lupin's mouth go dry.

When she finally found it, she dug her teeth into her lower lip. "Right here." She drew in a sharp breath as she pressed on the spot again. "Remus?"

He blinked. "Yes?"

Tonks blew out the breath she'd just taken. "My wand's...still in the bathroom." When he said nothing, she added, "I can't heal...myself."

Once again, Lupin blinked, only this time he actually snapped to attention. "Right, of course! Sorry." With his own wand, he pointed at the area she indicated, channeling all of his strength into focusing on the spell and not the way in which her skin resembled fresh cream.

It wasn't at all easy.

"Are you certain you wouldn't just rather drink some Skele-Gro?" he asked a second later.

"Please...don't make me...laugh." Tonks smiled softly. "I trust you, Remus."

Somehow, that was just what he needed to hear. With a smooth flick of his wand, he cast a stronger form of the healing charm he'd used on her nose and lip. A moment later, her body relaxed and the tight look of pain on her face all but disappeared.

Without thinking, Remus reached out and laid a hand on her ribcage, searching for the sore spot. "How does it feel now?"

She didn't answer. She was staring at the place where his fingers lay on her body. When she did finally look up at him, there was hope in her eyes. Her hair slowly brightened back to its usual vivid pink. "Feels right," she whispered.

He should have removed his hand. He should have stood up and put as much distance between them as possible. But he couldn't. The plain and simple fact was that he wanted to be the one who got to touch her like this. He wanted to heal all of her injuries, even the ones he himself had inflicted on her heart in his attempts to protect her.

He wanted to give her everything.

Perhaps she had cast a spell of her own because suddenly Lupin could not hear a single one of the voices in the back of his mind that always told him that he was too old, too poor, too dangerous and that he needed to stay away from Nymphadora Tonks.

All he could hear was one very clear voice demanding that he kiss her until neither one of them could remember their own names.

And so...he did.

* * *

Lupin kissed like a man who had just had a death sentence lifted from his shoulders and Tonks wasn't complaining.

From the moment his lips captured hers, nearly knocking the wind out of her, Tonks's heart had been racing in sheer joy. It was everything she'd wanted, to know that Lupin desired her, maybe even loved her. Kissing him back, she felt like she'd just received the greatest gift of her life and would never need another as long as she lived.

Her hands came up to cup his face; her fingers caressed the old scars on his cheeks. He flinched slightly, but she didn't stop, wouldn't stop until he understood that she didn't revile the evidence of his condition. Rather, she reveled in them because they were part of Remus Lupin. Loving him meant loving everything about him, including the wolf.

The scars weren't just limited to his face, she learned after managing to strip him of his jumper and white shirt. His body was thin, but not without a good layer of muscles, which rippled as he held himself up over her.

Still, it didn't take much effort for Tonks to reverse their positions. When he was flat on his back, she perched herself on his waist and looked down at him. With their eyes locked, she reached behind her back and unhooked her bra.

His chest rose with a deeply drawn breath as she tossed the black and pink garment aside. There was no shame in being nude in front of Remus; she wanted him to see all of her just as badly as she wanted to see all of him.

Lupin shook his sandy head against the pillows. "I can't think of a single thing I've done in my life that was good enough to deserve you."

Planting her hands on either side of his head, Tonks leaned down to kiss him softly, but deeply. "And I wish you could see what I do when I look at you, Remus."

She gave him no chance to reply; she kissed him again, harder this time, to which he responded with equal fervor. With her soft chest pressed against his hard torso, they rolled until he was laying over her once again.

Lupin broke the kiss only long enough to look her in the eyes as his hesitant, yet inquisitive hand reached for the top button on her leather trousers.

"Yes," she answered his unspoken question. "I've been ready for this."

* * *

Outside the protected walls of 12 Grimmauld Place, the sun had almost completely set, casting London into the dark blue of twilight.

Inside, Remus Lupin was in hell.

Oh, it had been incredible, everything he'd always suspected it would be...passionate and powerful. Being with Nymphadora had reminded him why his life was worth living, even at its hardest and darkest. Up until the very second their bodies had joined, he couldn't remember a single reason why he'd been denying them both this intimacy that they clearly craved.

But all of those reasons had come flooding back in a great, crushing tidal wave of guilt, anger and remorse the moment he'd realized...she'd never been with a man before.

One tiny whimper had nearly been his undoing, the smallest indication of the discomfort she was feeling as he ended her innocence. Her brightly painted nails had clutched his shoulders; her flushed face had screwed up ever so slightly as she braced herself against the pain.

Lupin had frozen in place, terrified to move lest he make it worse for her. "Dora...my god..." he'd panted. "You should have told me..."

Her lashes had lifted revealing wet eyes. "If I had...you never would have touched me at all."

He'd hung his head, breathing in the vanilla scent of her warm skin. "I had no idea, I swear. I just thought...I can't have been your first choice for this."

"For such a smart man, you really can be the king of dunces." Tonks had shifted beneath him, drawing him deeper inside. Her breath had caught in her throat, but it hadn't seemed like she'd been in as much pain as before. "I've been waiting for someone worth waiting for."

Lupin had swallowed heavily. "Why me?"

"Because."

A moment had passed. He'd frowned. "Yes?"

"That's all." She'd shrugged her shoulders with a small smile. "Just because."

It hadn't really been answer, but the way she'd moved beneath him again, wordlessly encouraging him to move with her had effectively ended the conversation.

Now that it was over and she lay dozing against his chest, the euphoria of making love to Nymphadora was beginning to be replaced by all of the usual concerns and complexities.

His age. His standing in the wizarding world. His furry little problem that was anything but little. Lacking funds, lacking prospects, lacking even so much as a home of his own...and now he'd gone and taken something precious from her.

He might have seriously started to hate himself if she hadn't suddenly stirred against him and murmured his name as her lashes slowly lifted. Her lazy smile made him hungry for her again...which only made him angrier at himself for taking advantage of her the first place.

Tonks pressed a kiss against his bare skin. "I think we're brilliant at this," she quipped.

Lupin swallowed heavily. "How would you know?" The words came out before he could stop them; immediately, her impish grin faded away. He refused to look at her eyes. If he looked at her eyes, he would never say what he needed to say. "We shouldn't have done this, Dora."

Her body trembled against his. "Would you be saying that if I hadn't been a virgin?"

Once again, he spoke without stopping to think. "Your first time should have been special."

When she sat up, clutching the covers to her chest, Lupin knew he'd gone too far. But maybe that was what they both needed, a hard dose of reality in order to navigate out of the waters they'd made murky in the space of a single, glorious afternoon.

Nymphadora had been surprising him since the day they'd met, when she'd flat-out told him that she'd always fancied him whenever she'd seen pictures of him and Sirius and James Potter that had been taken during their Hogwarts years.

Her passionate persistence of him had been nothing less than shocking. Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever imagined that a young, beautiful witch would ever pursue him when she was surrounded by equally young, brave men like the eldest Weasley brothers. But she had, with a tenacity and tirelessness that had slowly mended so many old wounds on his heart.

And now, just when he expected her to come out fighting, with curses on the tip of her tongue, she suprised him once again by slowly nodding.

"You're right." Tonks looked down at the rumpled sheet she had bunched up in her hand. "I deserve better than this. I deserve someone who would be holding me right now, telling me how much he loves me." With each word, the anger in her voice grew and her hair morphed from bubble-gum pink to flaming red. "And how utterly grateful he is that I chose to give him such an incredible one-time-only gift!"

Practically yelling now, Tonks threw off the covers and was only seconds away from sliding out of bed when Lupin suddenly reached for her wrist.

There was a war being waged between his heart and his head, but right then, his heart won a huge battle.

"I'm sorry." He lowered his lips to her palm, giving it a soft kiss. "I'm sorry, Dora. I am grateful. More than you will ever, ever know."

All he could see was her beautifully sculpted back rising and falling with each breath. "I won't apologize for waiting." The red in her hair suddenly took on a definite pink tinge. "I always wanted to be able to say that I was in love with my first lover...and now I can."

Lupin closed his eyes briefly. She'd gone and said it, put it all out in the open. She loved him. There was no way to convince himself now that she'd only been seeking physical release, no way for him to dismiss the afternoon's events as anything less than lovemaking in the truest sense of the term.

For whatever reason, Nymphadora Tonks loved him. And since despite all the reasons why he shouldn't, he was rapidly falling in love with her right back...they had a huge problem on their hands.

Lupin took a breath. "I don't have a Galleon to my name..."

She cut him off with an exaggerated sigh. "Bloody hell, Remus! Are you ever going to get it through your thick skull that I couldn't care less about..."

"But..." He held up a hand to stop her. "I feel like the richest man in Britain when I'm with you."

Tonks snuck a glance back at him from over her shoulder. "That's a good start," she admitted. "But are you also convinced that it doesn't matter to me how old you are or what you turn into once a month, either?" Lupin ran his hand through his thinning hair several times before she withdrew the question. "Never mind." Her hair was pink again. "Baby steps, I suppose."

The next thing he knew, she was on top of him, kissing him madly. He turned the tables on her a second later by rolling her onto her back.

"Ow." Her slight protest was muffled by his neck and her chuckle, but he drew away immediately.

"Is it your ribs?" Worried, he frowned. "Are they still hurting?"

"No." He could have sworn that a blush crept across her cheeks. "That's not where I'm sore."

And then it was his turn to blush. "Oh. Yes...well..." He cleared his throat. "Should I apologize for that?"

Smiling broadly, Tonks shook her head. "No way. Never apologize for that, Remus." Her lips found a place just under his jaw that he'd never known could make his knees weak if kissed just right. "I may not be experienced, but I know a good thing when I've found it."

"Me, too." He smoothed a pink lock away from her smooth cheek. "You are a good thing, Dora."

"Then...don't be a prat." She cupped his face in her hands. "Don't let me go."

Although his only response was an even deeper kiss, in the back of Lupin's mind, he already knew he would have to let her go. Voldemort was back. The world was changing. They were on the brink of another war. And although Dumbledore had not yet come out and asked him to undertake any missions, he already knew that his lycanthropy would most likely be called upon soon. At best, he would be a bridge between the Order and the other werewolves of the world. At worst, he would be sent to spy on the others of his kind.

Either way, his life would be in grave danger. It would not be fair to expect Nymphadora to wait for him when it was highly doubtful he'd ever return to her. It would be better to sever their connection before it became too strong, before he needed her love to survive.

Before he could hurt her any more than he already had.

Still, it was impossible to stop kissing her.

Just one night, he promised himself as he slowly, carefully sank back into her warmth. One night to have her, hold her, love her...one blissful night of living his dreams before he faced cold reality.

* * *

Tonks went to sleep with her lover's arms firmly wrapped around her sated body. But when she woke up, she was alone.

Before a flood of hot tears could spill over, the bedroom door creaked open. Her heart lept into her throat...only to sink back down when she realized it was not Remus returning, but Kreacher the dour house-elf.

He reluctantly plodded into the room. Tonks frantically secured the sheets around her chest; there was something just not right about being practically naked in front of the grumbling creature.

"Kreacher was ordered by the werewolf to give you this." He barely reached top of the bed, but he tossed a folded sheet of parchment up onto it. Muttering about half-bloods and lamenting the state of the Noble House of Black, Kreacher slumped out, slamming the door shut behind him.

After staring at the paper for a long time, Tonks reached for it, surprised at how her hand trembled. She unfolded it and was greeted by the sight of his perfect penmanship. Tonks bit her lip, holding back a smile. Of couse he'd have good handwriting.

If only the words themselves could have been as beautiful.

_Dora,_

_By the time you read this, I will have left London. I cannot say where I am going or why, but please know that nothing insignificant could have torn me away from your side this morning._

_I will never forget last night. Rather, I will carry the memories with me for the rest of my life, however long or short that might be. _

_But I urge you, as someone who knows only too well how much happiness you bring into a man's life, put me out of your heart and mind. _

_Find someone else to love. _

_With regards,_

_Remus _

The parchment floated to the floor as the woman in the bed doubled over in grief, her limp, black hair hiding her tears from the world.

* * *

Fin


	2. December 1996

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I had intended this story to be a simple one-shot, but then I saw the movie again and got inspired again...and ultimately decided there was more to it than I'd originally thought. Thank you so much for the feedback on the first chapter and I hope you enjoy this one, as well!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_The love we give away is the only love we keep. - Elbert Hubbard_

_

* * *

_

With a heavy hand, Nymphadora Tonks flicked her wand, lighting the last of the mismatched candles that decorated the scrawny bush that was masquerading as a proper tree. The tiny flames were about the only cheerful thing in her whole flat, despite the supposedly merry season.

"Happy Christmas to me," Tonks whispered as a single tear trickled down the side of her nose. Scowling now, she immediately wiped it away.

No tears. She'd sworn she would shed absolutely no more tears over Remus Lupin. She'd wasted a lifetime's worth in the wake of his disappearance after their one incredible night together at Grimmauld Place. A man who could make love to a woman until dawn, only to leave her a note in the morning telling her to find someone else...he didn't deserve to be missed or mourned or even remembered.

Her head was convinced of this, but her heart still ached at the mere mention of his name.

On the radio, the Weird Sisters's classic Christmas song, _Sick and Silent Night, _started playing; Tonks turned the volume up as loud as she could without disturbing her neighbors. Sometimes this worked and the music would temporarily drive away all thoughts of her first and only lover.

Temporarily. He always snuck back in.

And now it appeared he'd even started to affect her magic, specifically her Patronus. It was enough to drive a girl insane, certainly enough to make her very bad holiday company, a fact she'd been well aware of when she'd turned down her mother's invitation to spend Christmas at home and Molly Weasley's invitation to spend it at the Burrow.

Being alone for the holiday might not have been the best way to forget about Remus Lupin, but it was better than ruining everyone else's good time by moping about more than Moaning Myrtle.

Flopping into an overstuffed chair she'd picked up at a Muggle jumble sale, Tonks flung her hand in the direction of the present she'd bought for herself. "_Accio _Firewhiskey!"

The bottle sailed into her hand and she took a very unladylike swig. Might as well get good and pissed; there was no reason to spend Christmas Eve both alone and sober.

Tonks was just about to take another gulp of burning liquid when there was a soft knock on her door.

"I'll turn it down, then!" she shouted at the unseen neighbor who was no doubt out in the hallway, protesting the volume of her radio. "Don't get your knickers in a twist," she muttered to herself as she dragged herself up from her chair.

But even after she'd lowered the volume, the knocking continued.

"Bloody hell!" Stumbling over her own shoes, Tonks started for the door. "D'you want me to turn it down so low I can't even..." Upon flinging it open, she found herself face to face with the last person she'd ever expected to see that night. "...hear it," she finished quietly, as all breath seemed to have left her body.

Remus Lupin offered her a hesitant smile. "Happy Christmas, Dora."

Without a word, Tonks slammed the door in his face.

* * *

It wasn't the reunion he'd been imagining in his dreams, but he wasn't about to blame Nymphadora for her reaction to his sudden reappearance. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been curled up against his chest, warm and sleepy. Her face had shone with the glow of a woman who'd been thoroughly loved; her hair had softened to the gorgeous pink of an English rose.

That was all gone now. The woman he'd caught a glimpse of before the door had closed in his face was not the same one he'd so carelessly left behind. There were dark circles under her dull eyes and her hair was a lank brown, hanging around her neck like an old mop.

And it was entirely his fault.

"Dora." Lupin knocked on the door again. "Please...we need to talk."

"Just leave me a note, Remus." Her reply was muffled by the heavy door that stood between them, but not enough so that he missed the bitterness in her words. "It's what you do best, remember?"

Guilt stabbed him, but he kept knocking. "I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I realize I don't deserve it..."

"No, you don't." The door swung open. Her limp brown locks were gone, having been replaced by a flame red mane that screamed her anger even better than her thinly narrowed eyes. "You've got five minutes to say your piece. Any longer and I'll hex you all the way to the North Pole."

It took a lot of effort for Lupin not to smile. She just looked so...alive. So beautiful. Angry though she was, this was the woman whose face had seen him through the worst months of his life. Living with the others of his kind...watching the atrocities they committed...he hadn't really been prepared for the mission Dumbledore had given him.

Very early on, it had become clear to him that the only way to keep his sanity and his humanity intact was to hold on to the best of his memories. And most of those involved the woman in front of him.

"Well?" Tonks folded her arms over her chest tightly, like she was shielding her heart. "Are you coming in or not?"

Her flat hadn't changed. There were still shoes and books piled into various corners. The Weird Sisters were still playing on the radio. There was still the Hufflepuff banner she'd nicked during her school days hanging on one wall. The only difference he could see was the haphazardly decorated pine shrub with a lone present sitting beneath it.

Lupin reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a small, wrapped package. Fully aware of Tonks staring at him in disbelief, he crossed to the tree and set it down beneath the branches.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, shaking her head. The red was fading back into brown. "Why are you here?"

"I'm staying at the Burrow." Unsure of exactly how to start, he plunged on. "Over dinner, Molly mentioned that she thought you'd be spending tonight alone."

"And so...you thought...what? 'How utterly pathetic? Poor Tonks...spending Christmas on her own...I should pop by and give the girl a little something. Don't want her slitting her wrists with an icicle; she is rather useful to the Order!'" The red was back in full force, spiked out around her face. "Let me tell you something, Remus Lupin. You can take your pity gift and stick it up your..."

"I've missed you, Dora."

She drew in a deep, but shaky breath. "You don't get to miss me, Remus. You did all the leaving."

"I know." He ran a weary hand down his face. "Believe me, I understand what I did. But don't you think..."

"I was so stupidly happy!" Tonks cut him off. "I thought that making love meant you actually loved me back!"

Lupin met her accusing stare without blinking. "That night...it meant everything to me. Everything."

"How could it have?" Her lower lip trembled, but she caught it in time, visibly biting back her tears. "You told me to find someone else."

"I want..." He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. "I just want you to be happy, Dora."

"You daft prick," she whispered. "You still don't get it, do you?" A moment passed. "I can't be happy if I'm not with you."

Lupin took a step towards her. "Dora..."

"Don't." She took a step back, but he kept coming. "Stop, Remus." Holding out her hand didn't sway him; he simply took it in his own, entwining her slender fingers through his calloused digits. "Don't do this to me!" she shouted, wrenching out of his gentle grip. "You can't keep doing this to me!"

"I know. I'm sorry, Dora." When Lupin reached for her hand again, she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry," he said again as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry."

He held her until her sobs subsided. When she drew back, she looked up at him with teary eyes. It was a look he would never forget; it pierced his very soul with its longing.

"You're not here to stay, are you?" Lupin lowered his chin to his chest in silent affirmation. A moment passed in dreadful silence. "If I didn't love you so much, I'd really hate you," Tonks finally said.

"I have a mission to complete." The torn neckline of her shirt dipped low enough for him to have a clear view of the cleavage created by her breasts pressing against his chest. Suddenly, his mission was the farthest thing from his mind.

Tonks blinked when he abruptly tore himself away from her. "I suppose you'll be off to it, then," she said, clearly hurt and confused.

Lupin shook his head. "If I stay...I'll only hurt you more, Dora."

Her eyes swept up and down the length of his body, lingering on the obvious strain below his waist. "I wasn't imagining it, was I?" A small smile curled up the corners of her lips. "You still want me."

"Never doubt that," he replied. "But you're right. I can't keeping messing you about. I won't!" Lupin turned and started for the door. Halfway there, he heard her murmur a spell; when he reached for the knob, he found it solidly locked. Without turning around, Lupin cursed under his breath. "Dora, don't. Nothing has changed. I'll only end up breaking..."

He stopped when she came up behind him and slipped her arms around his chest. "You brought me a present, Remus." Her fingers found his belt. "Let me give you yours."

* * *

There was a moment during lovemaking when Remus Lupin, the man whose inability to control his physicality three days out of every month forced him to keep a tight mastery of his emotions for the other twenty-seven, completely surrendered himself, mind, body and soul.

Tonks loved this moment. She craved it, finding more pleasure in seeing it in him than she did in her own release.

When it was over, when his damp forehead rested on her shoulder and his bare back rose and fell as he struggled to catch his breath, Tonks found herself blinking back more tears. Tears. There were always tears where Remus was concerned, whether they were of unbearable sorrow or indescribable joy.

Tears were the price of loving this man.

He lifted his head before she could wipe them away. "Dora?" Upon seeing her crying, he frowned. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she whispered. "I'm fine." She closed her eyes when he pressed his lips to one salty track on her temple. "Remus...don't." When Lupin pulled back to look at her, Tonks attempted a carefree smile. "Or I'll expect you to always be here to kiss them away."

"I want to." His admission hung in the air, delicious and, yet, forbidden. "But I can't."

Tonks swallowed back a lump in her throat. "I know."

She missed the weight of his body when he rolled to his side suddenly. Tonks reached for the edge of the blanket, which had been her hearth rug before he'd hastily transfigured it. The floor in front of the fireplace might not have been comfortable, but it had been better than waiting to get to the bedroom. Drawing the blanket over her hip, she turned on her own side to face him.

"I'll have to go to St. Mungo's again," she said casually, as though it was an every day conversation. "It takes three days to brew the potion and by then there's no point. It's too late." She paused. "What will be, will be."

With his stare focused on the ceiling, Remus blindly reached for her hand. "You wouldn't want to have my child, Dora. There's no telling what it might..."

She cut him off. "It would be perfect. And you know it."

He turned his head to see her. "I can't even stay the whole night with you. I've no business being a father."

"You can't stay?" There was no point in trying to keep the hurt out of her voice. She didn't even want to try.

"I'll be missed at the breakfast table tomorrow morning," Lupin explained. "I suspect the youngest Weasley already spotted me sneaking out tonight."

Tonks smiled briefly. "Ginny would never say. She has her own romantic drama." She thought for a second. "And unattainable love." A delicate snort escaped her. "Who would have thought I'd have something in common with a fifteen year-old girl?"

Lupin sat up all of a sudden, plunging his hands into his greying hair. "Don't you think," he began, "that you would be so much happier if you forgot all about me?"

"Maybe," Tonks admitted. "For a little while. But I think...there would always be something missing." Sitting up, she shifted forward enough to rest her cheek on his back. "I love you too much to forget you and I'm too selfish to let you go."

"You can't have that line," he said softly. "It's already mine." Looking towards the pathetic excuse for a tree, he summoned the package he'd set underneath it earlier. "_Accio."_ It flew into his hand. Lupin turned around and offered it to her. "Open it. Please."

Tonks took her time untying the string, unfolding the plain brown paper, and lifting the lid on the small box that she eventually revealed. Nestled inside on a bed of soft cotton was an antique brooch made of delicately carved moonstone. It glowed with a celestial light that was almost too beautiful to look at for long.

"It was my mother's," Lupin explained. "My father gave it to her on the night he asked her to marry him. As my grandfather gave it to my grandmother on the day they were married." He lifted the brooch out of the box. "It's been handed down for generations on the understanding that it is only to be given to the person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life."

A cloud settled over Tonks's face. "But you've made it clear that you don't want..."

"Dora," he stopped her. "I only ever said I couldn't. Not that I didn't want to." Taking her hand, he closed her fingers around the brooch. "Wear it when I'm gone. The only person who would have recognized its meaning was Sirius." When she blinked in surprise, Lupin nodded. "Yes, he knew how I felt about you. Feel about you. Maybe he knew before I even did. In this respect, at least, he was much smarter than I."

"In this respect..." Her eyes, so empty a moment ago, now glittered with mischief. "...trolls are much smarter than you." Opening her hand, Tonks looked down at the brooch. "As beautiful as this is, Remus, the better Christmas present would be you just staying here with me. Being with me. Realizing...that I will never give up on you. On us." She glanced back up at him. "I told you. I'm very selfish."

Lupin shook his head. "That's not selfish, Dora." Reaching into her soft pink hair, he cupped the back of her neck as he lowered his lips to hers for a long, gentle kiss that filled her heart to the point of bursting. "That was selfish," he said a moment later. "And it's why I shouldn't be near you."

In the distance, a Muggle clock tower tolled three times. After the last chime faded away, Lupin reached for his trousers. When he was fully dressed, he looked back at Tonks. She had wrapped the blanket around her bare body, but she was still shivering, even with the warmth coming from the hearth.

"I can turn that back into your rug," he quietly offered.

"I'd rather you didn't."

Lupin knelt down and reached for her chin, lifting it up until she was looking him in the eye. "If the world was a better place..."

He didn't finish his thought. With another kiss, he stood up and started for the door. At the last possible second, Tonks murmured the counter spell to release the lock she'd put upon it. With his hand on the doorknob, Lupin paused, glancing over his shoulder.

She could only feel his eyes on her back as she'd curled herself into a tight ball beneath the blanket that still smelled of him and their love.

"Happy Christmas, Dora."

This time, he didn't get a door in his face. He only closed it behind him as he left.

* * *

Tonks watched the fire until it was nothing but a pile of smoldering embers. She had half a mind to keep lying there long into the new year. It would serve him right if she wasted away. If she didn't take precautions...

But eventually, long after the sun had risen and Christmas Day had begun, Tonks dragged herself up. After she showered and dressed, she Apparated out of the apartment.

There was only one witch on duty at the front desk of St. Mungo's, although the lobby was decorated in full Christmas spirit. "Can I help you, dear?" the older woman asked.

"I need a Preventative Potion," Tonks told her, hoping she didn't sound like a seventh year student at Hogwarts, asking Madame Pomfrey for the same.

The Medi-witch looked her up and down with a shrewd eye. "Bit old for that, aren't you? Should know better than to get into such...situations."

"I should." Tonks laughed suddenly, a choked, miserable sound that went along with her newly limp and dark hair. She touched the brooch that was holding her winter cloak together at her throat. "I really, really should."

* * *

To Be Continued (?)


	3. June 1997

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: In getting ready for the release of the first part of the DH movie this weekend, I realized I never finished this story. And I'm not quite sure I've finished it now. We'll see:) Enjoy!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want. - Zig Ziglar_

_

* * *

_

"Dora! Dora, stop!"

It was only when Tonks was forced to stop running by a suddenly moving staircase that Lupin was able to catch up to her. When the stone steps came to a halt, he reached up from the lower level and grabbed her hand.

"Why are you running from me?"

"I wasn't running from you or from anyone, for that matter," Tonks snapped, wrenching her hand away. "I was just...um...trying to visit my old dormitory."

Lupin gave her a look. "Then you've completely lost your sense of direction. The Hufflepuff dormitories are below ground, not..."

"Yes, I know that!" Her voice echoed off the portrait-ladden walls. Most of the painted residents of Hogwarts were too busy consoling each other over the recently announced loss of Dumbledore to tell the couple to keep their voices down. "All right," Tonks admitted, blowing a lock of fiery hair out of her eyes. "Perhaps I was avoiding you." She glared down at him. "Perhaps I didn't want to have another public row."

"In all fairness, you're the one who made it public," he mildly reminded her.

"And you're the one who turned it into a row!" After a second's pause to drawing a calming breath, Tonks shook her head. "No. We can't do this now. Not after... It's not right." With that, she turned on her heel and kept advancing up the stairs.

She had no idea what floor she was on, but she couldn't stop. After everything that had happened, the loss, the pain, the death, she couldn't bear hearing Lupin list all the reasons why he thought they couldn't be together.

For the hundredth time.

He caught up with her again in the middle of the wide corridor. "Dora, please!" This time he grabbed both of her arms and spun her around to face him. "I need you to understand that what happened to Bill Weasley is not the same thing as..."

"I don't want to hear it again!" Tonks shouted. "You know...I have endured months of not knowing if you were even alive, Remus! Do you have any idea what kind of torture that's been?"

"I do." He loosened his grip, but didn't let go of her. "I've been watching the papers as much as I could. My greatest fear has been seeing your name in them."

She stared at him. "But now you're back. And what are you doing? You're picking up right where you left off."

"Nothing's changed, Dora."

"Everything's changed! If tonight isn't proof enough of that, you'll never be convinced. And the laugh's on me...thinking that you ever would be!" With that, she rounded a corner, momentarily slipping out of his sight.

"Bill may be scarred for life, but he will not bear the stigma that I..." Turning the corner as he spoke, Lupin immediately closed his mouth when he saw two Ravenclaw girls coming down the corridor. He recognized them immediately as having been in his first year class during his tenure as a Hogwarts professor.

The girls clearly didn't recognize him, perhaps because their eyes were red and swollen with grief. The news of Dumbledore's death had now spread to the entire school and no one felt as safe as they once had, even within these hallowed walls.

Tonks stood by the glass window, looking out at the lake until the Ravenclaw girls had passed. When they could no longer hear their footsteps, she spoke, her voice uncharacteristically calm and cool.

"Everything will change, Remus. We're fooling only ourselves if we don't acknowledge that. You might be the persecuted one today, but it could very well be me tomorrow. My father's Muggle-born and I'm a bit of a freak," she added, touching a lock of her hair. "Who's to say they won't come for me next?"

"Don't say that, Dora." He took a step towards her. "Don't..."

Once again, he was cut off by the sudden appearance of several students, Hufflepuffs this time. They were too young to have been in his class; they passed by without a word.

Lupin swore under his breath. "Clearly, we can't have a proper conversation here. We need to find somewhere we can be alone."

The door appeared without fanfare; one minute the wall beside them was just a wall and the next it wasn't.

Lupin blinked, then looked to Tonks for confirmation. "That door just appeared, didn't it?"

A small smile played on her lips. "The Room of Requirement."

"What?"

"Hogwarts legend, Remus," she sighed with impatience. "Weren't you a teacher here?" Tonks approached the door and laid a loving hand on the brass knob. "I happened upon it in my sixth year when I really needed a place to hide after a bad date with Todd Braddius. There was a nice couch inside and a stack of Quidditch magazines. Spent the better part of hour happily reading until Todd gave up looking for me."

Lupin stared at the door in wonder. "How did we never know about this? James and Sirius...it would have been exactly up their alley."

"I expect the castle figured you had your own hiding place already." She turned the brass handle and pushed the door open. "Shall we?" When Lupin said nothing, Tonks looked him straight in the eye, an invitation and a challenge. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it?"

Without a word, Lupin moved forward, afraid that if he didn't, the chance would be lost forever.

* * *

The room was cozy, like his memories of the Gryffindor common room, with overstuffed couches and thick carpets. There was little else, though. No books, no pictures...nothing to distract two people from sitting down and talking.

But apparently Tonks had other ideas.

"I could do with a bath," she said out loud. "A hot bath. Hot enough to wash away..." She looked down at her battle-worn clothes. "...everything."

In the far corner of the room, a large, claw-foot tub suddenly appeared, brimming over with soapy bubbles.

Before Lupin could stop her, Tonks stripped off her soiled shirt and shucked off her ripped jeans, leaving her in nothing but a skimpy pair of white knickers. Without shame, she crossed to the tub and tested the water. "Perfect." Looking back at him, Tonks said, "I'd ask you to join me, but I know better."

His mouth was too dry to speak, especially when she stepped out of her underwear. Her climb into the tub wasn't exactly graceful, but she managed to sink into the bubbles without knocking herself unconscious on the porcelain rim, so that was something.

A long minute passed before she spoke again. "What would happen if we were together, Remus? Married, even?"

Lupin cleared his throat. "You would share my stigma. You'd lose your job at the Ministry. You'd become subject to all the laws and restrictions that I am. Your parents would..."

"My father wouldn't care." She paused. "My mother...I don't know, but my father..."

"No father wants his daughter to marry a monster."

Tonks sat up in the water, a thick layer of bubbles clinging to her chest, hiding the breasts he would have given just about anything to see again. "After all this time, after all the good things you've done...how can you still think of yourself as a monster?"

"When I'm with you," he heard himself confess, "I don't."

"And that's not reason enough for us to be together?"

He shook his head in frustrated defeat. "I'll never make you understand, will I?"

"No," she agreed. "You won't. Because it's a lot of rubbish, that's what it is." The bubbles had began to slip down her skin, revealing what he so longed to see. "I love you, Remus." Tonks shrugged one wet shoulder. "I've loved you for so long that I've forgotten what it's like not to love you. I want to marry you. I want to be your wife. I want to have your children someday. And I will never understand..." She bit her lip until it stopped quivering. "...why you don't love me enough to say to hell with everything and everyone who's standing in our way."

Lupin's brow furred. "Never, ever imagine that I don't love you enough. It's because I love you too much that I won't allow you to live the life of a werewolf's mate."

"I'm already your mate, Remus," she whispered. "I have been since that night at Grimmauld Place."

The mere mention of that night was enough to incite his arousal. "Dora, you don't have to..."

"Remember?" she went on. "The night we first made love? You were my first." Lost in the memory, Tonks laid a hand against her beating heart. "My only."

"It was a mis..." Lupin stopped, unable to finish the word. Nothing about being with Tonks could ever be a mistake. It was what he wanted, what he'd always wanted deep down in the depths of his soul. To find a woman who would love every part of him, even the ones that transformed once a month.

He just never imagined that woman would be so vivacious, with enough energy to make him feel just as young and vibrant. And he never thought he'd fall so hard for her so fast. Love was supposed to take time to build, like it had with Lily and James. It wasn't supposed to fall into your lap, having tripped over something in the dark.

But fall she had, right into his arms, and every time he'd been apart from her since, he'd been thoroughly miserable, aching for the time when he'd be with her again, preferably holding her, kissing her, making love to her.

She was his? Hardly. He was entirely hers.

As if sensing his emotional turbulence, Tonks reached out her slick and soapy arm to him. "Join me. Please?"

It was an invitation that he simply couldn't refuse.

Lupin fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He had no idea how he managed to get rid of the rest of his clothes, but only a minute later he found himself sliding into the hot, bubbly water.

The tub was more than big enough for two, another thoughtful consideration of the room. From the other end, Tonks watched him with a careful eye. Their legs lay next to each other; as she stared at him, she draped one perfect calf over his, daring him to react.

She got her wish a second later when he reached for her hand under the water. Once he'd grasped it, Lupin yanked her over to his side of the tub, the front of her body making full contact with his as she lay practically on top of him.

"Tell me about Todd Braddius," Lupin said, his hand resting on the small of her back, just above the curve of her bottom. When she frowned, he gave her a soft kiss that melted her expression. "Did he hurt you?"

"He was a teenage boy," Tonks replied. "He had one thing on his mind that night and I just happened to possess a pair of them."

"An extraordinary pair." Lupin urged her up until her breasts were almost even with his face. Out of the water and in the cooler air, her rosy nipples had hardened to delicious points. "Did you take care of him?"

Tonks held herself up over him with both hands firmly planted on the sides of the tub. "Bat Bogey Hex," she murmured. His hardening length dug into her thigh. "Never was good at it, but it still did the..." She gasped as his hot mouth engulfed her left nipple. "...the trick," she managed to finish. "Remus..."

"Shh." He moved to her other breast, giving it the same loving attention. "Relax, Dora."

But it was impossible to relax when his hand found the slick and ready center of her body. With his finger exploring her depths and his lips teasing her breasts, Tonks couldn't take any more torture.

"Remus...stop!" Instantly, he withdrew and waited for her recover enough to look down at him. "I want this so badly," Tonks assured him. "But not if you're going to leave again when it's over." Balancing with her knees on either side of his hips, Tonks freed her hands to cup his face. "I don't care what happens to me or what people think. I was planning to quit my job anyway. The Ministry's not going in a direction I care to follow." Her thumb lovingly stroked his cheek. "The war's started, Remus."

"And nothing's certain anymore," he whispered.

Tonks gave him the softest of kisses. "That's not entirely true." She smiled softly, almost shyly. "I will never stop loving you. That you can be certain of."

* * *

The water never cooled as they made love; the bubbles stayed just as thick, covering their joined bodies like a fluffy blanket. For a long time after, the only sound in the room was the occasional movement of the water as they lay together in the tub, savoring the moment.

Lupin's chin rested on her damp, purple-pink hair. Her body was slender and sleek, a comfortable weight resting against his chest. He could have stayed there for the rest of the war. Damn everything else...Nymphadora Tonks loved him and wanted him to love her back.

Only a true fool would turn away from that, especially at a time when life had never seemed more precious or more uncertain.

"Dora." He paused long enough for her to lazily tilt her head back. "Will you marry me?"

The water swirled around them as she sat up, still straddling his lap. "I swear, Remus, if you are joking even just the smallest bit..."

"I would never joke about this." Remus took her hand, closing his own hands around it. "I still think you deserve better..." He kept going, cutting off any protest she might have made. "...but for some unfathomable reason, you want me." His expression, usually so heavy and sad, suddenly grew light. "And since I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to give you everything that you want, I suppose I should start here."

It took a few, long moments before the doubt in her eyes started to fade. The corners of her lips turned up as a slow smile spread across her face. Her hair shone like finely spun gold.

"All right," she whispered. "I'll marry you, Remus." She tilted her head to the side as a tear slipped down her cheek. "You big idiot."

"Yes," Remus agreed after drawing her down for a kiss. "And you can hold that over my head for the rest of our lives, Dora."

Tonks considered this for a second, but then shook her head. "No, we've already wasted enough time, don't you think?"

"I don't intend to waste any more." He pulled her up to her feet; water and bubbles cascaded down their bodies as he continued, "I think we should do it straight away."

Tonks studied his face for any hint of sarcasm or mirth. All she saw was genuine earnest.

Everything she had dreamed about was coming true. Her knees felt as if they might give out at any moment, yet she stayed still, unwilling to move in case he changed his mind.

"All right," she said again. "Sooner is fine with me."

Remus cupped her cheek in his hand. "I love you, Nymphadora Tonks and I can't wait to be your husband." After a few seconds had passed and she'd said nothing to this, he frowned. "Dora?"

"Sorry." She shook her head. "It's just...this is normally the part where I wake up. Alone."

He sighed softly. "I never wanted to hurt you like I did."

Tonks poked him in the chest. "No more wasting time, yes?" Remus dipped his chin, but he looked back at her when she slipped her wet arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. "Dumbledore would have wanted this," she murmured. "He loved a good party, especially a wedding reception."

Remus just held her close and said nothing. There would be time later to tell her that their wedding couldn't be anything grand or glorious. Right then, all that mattered was that she was safe and sound in his arms.

And this time, he wouldn't be walking away.

* * *

Fin (?)


	4. July 1997

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: This chaper just rolled out. I guess I'm more than a little excited about the new movie opening up. I want to see Tonks's wedding ring! Enjoy this, and thanks for the sweet reviews!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_For it was not into my ear you whispered, but my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. - Judy Garland_

_

* * *

_

Tonks had never been one of those girls who dreamed about her wedding day. She didn't even like the color white; in fact, she tried to avoid wearing it whenever possible. Romance wasn't in her blood, she had decided. Dresses and flowers and bridesmaids...those things just never interested her.

Everyone said she would change her mind when she found the right guy, like some switch would flip on in her brain and she would suddenly care about tiaras versus veils.

Well, she had found the right guy. And after two years of ups and downs that would have bested a weaker woman, Tonks was finally going to be married to Remus Lupin.

And she still didn't give a damn about what kind of flowers she carried down the aisle when it happened.

So when Remus sat her down to talk about their wedding day and all the safety precautions and restrictions, not to mention financial limitations, to which they would have to adhere, she was more than prepared for the hard truth.

Her wedding wasn't going to be out of a fairytale.

"I don't care," she told her fiance when he finished. "Leave the princess crap to Fleur." Tonks lovingly combed his longish hair back from his face. "I just want to marry you."

Lupin shook his head. "Dora, I'm serious. We can't invite more than a handful of people. Harry definitely won't be able to come unless we wait until after his birth..."

"I don't want to wait," she cut him off. "No offense to Harry, but what happened to doing this sooner rather than later?"

"I just..." He clasped his hands in front of his mouth for a long moment as he gathered his thoughts. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Hmm...marrying the man I love?" Tonks pretended to think. "Yeah, fairly certain."

"In a borrowed dress, without any flowers, in Molly Weasley's garden, with only a few of your friends and family around to..." Lupin stopped himself. "It's not exactly the stuff of dreams."

Tonks scowled and the roots of her hair began to turn red. "You always underestimate me, Remus."

He blinked. "Dora, no, I didn't mean..."

She shot to her feet. "I'm not some selfish witch who wants a million Galleon wedding! I've already told you that the only thing I care about is the marriage, not the ceremony, so I can't help but wonder if you're just trying to get out of our engagement by making it seem like I need something more than you can give me!"

It felt good to storm off, but he ruined it for her by following her into the bedroom. The only place left to go was their tiny bathroom. She threw herself inside and bolted the door shut before he could stop her.

"Dora." Lupin jiggled the doorknob. "Please come out so we can talk."

"I'm done talking," she told him as she shut the toilet's lid closed and sat down. "Until you're ready to admit that you're being a prat, we have nothing more to say to each other."

She heard him sigh heavily. "Why can't you understand that I want to give you a wedding day that you'll never forget and that it kills me to know that I can't?"

"Why can't you understand that I could never forget the day I married you, even if I was wearing trousers and a jumper and no one was there to see it but us?"

A minute ticked by. "I'm sorry, Dora." Her heart leapt into her throat. "You're right."

Another minute passed and when she couldn't take the silence anymore, Dora flung the bathroom door open. "Right about what?" she demanded.

Lupin was sitting on the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "All of it." He looked up at her. "I am scared. Not of being married to you, but of what cost you'll pay for being my wife."

"Please not this again," Tonks begged him.

"It'll never really get better, Dora. Even if the war comes and goes and we win, I'll still be what I am. And you'll still be married to a werewolf."

"And I'll still be happy about it." She crossed to the bed and stood over him with her arms crossed. "Get it through your thick skull, Remus. You're stuck with me. For better or for worse."

Lupin tugged on her arm until she was close enough for him to touch his forehead to her stomach. "All right," he finally said. Glancing up, he managed to give her most of a smile. And she managed to ignore the lingering doubt in his eyes. "Let's get married."

* * *

A week later, Tonks found herself standing in front of the full-length mirror in Ginny Weasley's bedroom, wearing the same dress that Molly had worn so many years earlier when she married Arthur. Time had aged the lace to a soft, cream color, and although the seams had been taken in just a bit to accomodate Tonks's thinner frame, the dress fit perfectly.

Ginny pushed a final hairpin into the elaborate jumble of curls she'd created after Tonks had lengthened her hair past its usual length and turned it's color into a brilliant cascade of reds and golds. Tonks had wanted it to be bubble-gum pink, as it had been the very first time she ever laid eyes on Remus, but Hermione, who was busy putting a final coat of clear polish on Tonks' nails, had pointed out that the color wouldn't go with the dress at all.

Damned if the girl hadn't been absolutely right.

The youngest Weasley stood back and examined her work with a critical eye. "What do you think, Hermione?"

Twisting the cap back onto the polish, Hermione took a quick look at Tonks' hair. "Beautiful, Ginny. Nice work."

Tonks felt a bit like a doll that the girls were dressing up, but she couldn't deny that between the two of them, she had been transformed into a real bride.

"Professor Lupin won't know what hit him," Ginny grinned at Tonks' reflection in the mirror.

Turning around, Tonks held out a hand to each of the girls, mindless of her wet nails. "Thank you," she told them when they each carefully took a hand. "Both of you."

Hermione sniffed. "I just wish more people could be here, Tonks."

"Yeah." Ginny's smile faded. "Like Harry."

Tonks squeezed their fingers. "Come on, girls. No tears on my wedding day, yes?" When both of them reluctantly nodded, she released their hands and turned back to the mirror. "My wedding day..."

No sooner had she said this then there was a knock on the door. At Ginny's bidding, it creaked open a second later and Ron Weasley poked his ginger head inside. "So...everyone's here, you know."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Ron. You don't rush the bride."

"Who's rushing?" he shot back. "Mum sent me up here to tell her, is all!"

"It's fine." Tonks gathered up the bottom of her skirt and prayed that if she did trip on her way down the stairs and out into the garden, she at least wouldn't totally ruin Molly's dress. "I'm ready."

* * *

Molly's garden was in full summer bloom. Lupin and Tonks were framed by red and yellow roses as they took their vows in front of a small group of their fellow Order members.

"You came into my life without any warning. You challenged everything I believed was true and you opened up doors to me that I thought were shut forever." Lupin paused. "You make me a better man, Dora, every day." He slipped a delicate silver ring onto her finger. "What else can I say but...I love you."

She was determined not to cry, but he was making it really hard to keep her emotions from spilling over. Sniffing softly, she glanced at their gathered friends. "No offense to anyone out there, but I really never thought that when I joined the Order, I'd fall in love."

Mad-Eye snorted, Arthur chuckled and Charlie Weasley focused even harder on the tuft of grass beneath his feet.

"But I did." Tonks looked back up into Lupin's eyes. "Could be the smartest thing I've ever done." Her fingers trembled as she pushed a sturdier silver ring onto his finger. "It'll always be you, Remus. No matter what."

Molly dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief before handing it to her daughter. Hermione brushed a tear away with the back of her hand and smiled as Lupin and Tonks began their marriage with a perfect kiss.

* * *

Traveling at night had become far too dangerous, so the wedding guests who weren't already staying at the Burrow started leaving well before the sun set. Mad-Eye was the last to go and he surprised everyone by gathering the bride up in a fierce hug.

"Be happy," he told his protege. His magic eye shot to Lupin. "Make her happy."

Lupin lowered his chin in acknowledgement, but said nothing.

Tonks gave her mentor a final squeeze. "We'll see you soon?"

"At Harry's retrieval," Mad-Eye said. "Til then..."

"Constant vigilance," she promised. Lupin put his arm around her shoulders as she waved to Mad-Eye's retreating back. When he was gone, Tonks threaded her fingers through Lupin's, their matching rings gleaming in the dying sunlight "Let's go home. I've had my wedding day. Now I want my wedding night."

It amused her to no end how, after that, Lupin rushed through their goodbyes and thanks to Molly and Arthur. He barely even gave Tonks time to change out of the wedding dress; she kept the curls it had taken Ginny so long to set, but she turned her hair back to its usual pink color.

They Apparated to the tiny cottage they'd taken, not to far away from the Burrow. It was heavily shielded, of course, but still cozy.

"Give me a minute," Tonks told her husband. With a wink, she disappeared into the bedroom.

While she was gone, Lupin lit a fire in the hearth and shrugged out of his robes, leaving him in just a white shirt and brown corded trousers. He had just started to loosen his tie when Tonks stepped out into the living room.

All the breath left his body, like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Where did you get..." He gestured to the sheer black garment that barely had enough material to be called a nightgown. "...that?"

"Muggle shop." Tonks turned around, offering him a tantilizing view of the criss-cross of satin laces that held the garment together. "I feel very naughty in it," she told him over her shoulder. "That must be Victoria's secret."

Lupin shook his head slowly. "My god, Dora. You just keep amazing me."

They made it to the bedroom, but just barely.

* * *

Remus lay next to her, lost in the deepest sleep she'd ever seen him in. His bare, scarred chest rose and fell with each soundless breath; Tonks watched him in the flickering light from the fire in the living room.

"I love you so much that it hurts," she whispered as he slept.

He shifted onto his side, but didn't wake. Tonks took the opportunity to tuck herself into the crook of his arm; she was thrilled when he unconsciously drew her body closer to his.

She didn't want to close her eyes or lose herself to her dreams. She was married to Remus. That was a dream in and of itself, and she wanted to live every single moment of it.

Three weeks later, when she found out she was expecting a child, she wasn't at all surprised that something so wonderful had happened on what was already the best night of her life.

His breath was warm on the back of her neck. Slowly, slowly, despite her best efforts, Tonks drifted off to sleep.

She couldn't wait to wake up.

* * *

In his dreams, Fenrir Greyback's teeth tore into his wife's flesh. She screamed for him, but there wasn't anything Lupin could do but watch as Dora...his wonderful, beautiful Dora...bled to death in front of him.

Her deathly pale arm stained with blood reached towards him. "Remus..."

Jerking out of the nightmare, Lupin sat up straight in bed. It took him a moment to gather himself together and to realize that Tonks was sleeping like an angel beside him. The sunlight that streamed through the curtains played in the tangled pink curls spread over her pillow. The covers had slipped down as she slept and her rosy nipples peeked out from the sheets like an invitation.

Under different circumstances, it would have been a brilliant way to wake up.

His heart was still racing and his body was damp with sweat, but he lowered himself back down slowly, as not to wake her.

The nightmare was still with him. It would never go away. Even if his old enemy was defeated, it might very well be Lupin himself who attacked Tonks someday. All it would take was one missed potion. One careless mistake.

He was just as dangerous to her as he'd ever been and a wedding ring wasn't going to change that.

Lupin closed his eyes in agony. "What have I done?"

* * *

TBC


	5. July and August 1997

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I never thought this story would go this far, but I'm just enjoying the ride. Saw the movie last night. Thought it was brilliant, especially the beginning with Lupin and Tonks. Fully intend to see it again soon. Enjoy the story and thanks so much to those of you who are reading and reviewing. It means so much to me:)

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_Listen to the mustn'ts, child, listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. - Shel Silverstein_

_

* * *

_

Tonks first suspected she might be pregnant on the day the Order was to retrieve Harry Potter from Little Whinging. There was no morning sickness and she was only a week late, not an unusual occurance, but her body just felt different.

She kept her suspicion to herself, believing in her heart that if Remus knew there was even a chance that she might be carrying their child, he would charm her into unconsciousness to keep her from going on the mission. Harry Potter needed her help and she wasn't about to let him, nor the rest of the Order down. The Ministry might have stripped away her title, but she was still an Auror.

So she took to the sky on her broomstick, with Ron Weasley's arms around her waist as one of the seven Harry's meant to confuse the Death Eaters. And when they were attacked and her own aunt came after them with murder raging in her eyes, Tonks fired off spells and blocked curses, while Ron hung on and proved that if the world ever became a better place again, he could very well join her in the Auror's office one day.

"I see you, Nymphie!" Bellatrix was the only witch Tonks knew who actually cackled. Even with the cold wind rushing over her ears, she could hear her aunt's maniacal laughter as she raced to keep up with them. "I can smell werewolf stink on you!"

Another Death Eater came up on her other side. She only caught a glimpse of him, but she knew his face instantly. Rodolphus Lestrange. Her aunt's husband.

He pointed his wand and Tonks barely managed to steer her broom out of the path of the green light that he hurtled towards them. Ron's arms tightened around her waist as she went into a sudden downward plunge, desperate to lose them.

But they weren't so easily shaken. Ron blocked a second curse, this time from Bellatrix. His quick action gave Tonks just enough time to draw her own wand, without a second to spare. Rodolphus was no more than fifteen feet behind them and gaining speed.

"Confringo!" The blast hit her aunt's husband straight on. He screamed as he was thrown from his broomstick.

Tonks had no idea if Bellatrix broke off her pursuit in order to keep her husband from plummeting to his death, although that kind of sacrifice would have surprised her. The only man her aunt truly loved was Voldemort himself. In the end, it didn't seem to matter what her reasons were; all Tonks cared about was that they made it to the Burrow without injury.

Throughout the battle in the sky, Tonks had refused to let herself be scared. Fear led to mistakes which could have killed not only her and Ron, but the baby that might or might not be growing inside her. But as soon as they arrived and she spotted her husband rushing towards them, all the terror and panic that she had swallowed back during the fight came to the surface.

"Remus!" she cried. Two seconds later, she was safe in his arms. He grasped her tightly, crushing her body against his like he was afraid she might be an illusion. She wanted to stay right there, just like that, forever.

But the moment was short-lived.

The battle took a terrible toll on the Order and in the wake of such painful losses, Tonks never got a chance to talk to Remus about the very real possibility that they were going to be parents, until her suspicions were confirmed by a Muggle contraption on the night they made a very hasty escape from Harry's birthday party.

Tonks knew she really shouldn't want to keep the device, especially considering what she'd had to do to it in order to make it work, but she couldn't stop staring at the two pink lines.

She had never been a crier before she fell in love with Remus Lupin, but once again she found herself weeping. Only this time, they were tears of joy.

She and Remus had created a life. In the darkness that had become their world, this child would be a ray of sunshine.

Tonks never imagined that her husband wouldn't feel exactly the same way.

* * *

Because she had been waiting to find the perfect way to tell Remus about the baby, Tonks surprised herself by stumbling into the moment as they were dressing for Bill and Fleur's wedding. After losing Mad-Eye, her mentor and friend, perhaps it was just wishful thinking that anything could be perfect anymore.

But it was such an ordinary moment in time that she chose, almost too ordinary for such life-changing news. She was in the bathroom, running a comb though her newly-blonde hair while Remus was adjusting his tie in the bedroom.

"Sweetheart," she heard herself call to him. "Can you get my earrings? They're on the bureau."

Remus appeared in the bathroom doorway a few seconds later, cradling the tiny pearl studs in his palm. "Are these the ones you meant?" he asked.

"The very ones." Tonks took them and after a long moment, she looked up at him, straight into his warm brown eyes. "Remus..." Without any fanfare, she added, "I think I'm pregnant."

She'd had no idea that blood could drain from a man's face so quickly. Remus stared at her, without blinking. "You think..." he started.

"No." Tonks tried to smile as brightly as she had when those two pink lines had appeared. "I know I am." She reached for his hand, only to find it cold and clammy. The only thing she could think to do was to press it to her flat belly. "We're having a baby."

But the tortured look on his face wiped all of the joy out of her voice.

Still, she rushed on, desperate to erase the silence. Desperate to see the same wonder in his eyes that she felt in her heart towards the tiny life inside her. "I expect it should happen in the spring. March or April. I'll be getting big at Christmas; what a present!" He looked away which only fueled her on. "I can't wait to tell Mum and Dad. And the Order. Blimey...we could all use a bit of happy...happy news."

Tonks trailed off as Remus stumbled back from her, wrenching his hand away from her stomach. She watched him make his way to the bed where he sank down onto the mattress like a man who no longer had the will to stay standing.

"Remus?" She followed him into the bedroom. "You're just shocked, yes? You do...you do want this...don't you?"

He ran a hand down his freshly trimmed beard. "Shocked," he replied a moment later. "I thought you were taking the potion."

"I haven't since before our wedding," she confessed. "We never talked about it and I just assumed it wouldn't matter if I stopped. We're married now."

Remus stared at her. "Dora..." He wanted to say something more, she could tell, but he let whatever it was die on his tongue and shook his head instead. "It shouldn't matter, you're right."

"But it does?"

For a long time, she was afraid he didn't hear the question. Her voice had sounded so small, even to her own ears. But eventually Remus drew himself to his feet. Without a word, he folded her into a strong embrace.

Relief crashed over her like a great tidal wave. She relaxed into the warmth of his body and smiled against his shoulder.

"We're going to be parents," Tonks whispered in fresh awe. "Isn't that brilliant?"

His Adam's apple bobbed madly as he tried to swallow, but kept failing to push past the heavy lump in his throat. "Brilliant."

* * *

It took a lot for Lupin to resist his wife's invitation to dance, but he managed to hand her off to Charlie Weasley and escaped to a table in the farthest, quietest corner of the tent.

There, he nursed a glass of Firewhiskey and watched Tonks waltz around the dance floor in another man's arms. She was doing her best to look like she was having a wonderful time, but he knew the difference between her real and fake smiles.

Never before had Lupin loathed himself quite as much as he did right then. Tonks should have been glowing with joy; it should have been overflowing, uncontainable. It was her right...but he had taken it away from her.

He took another sip and the whiskey burned a path to his stomach. A baby. He was going to be a father.

Just then, Harry passed though his eyeline. Lupin recognized him immediately, even though he was in disguise. All it took was that one quick look for a memory to come flooding back with enough intensity to make Lupin close his eyes.

_James told them Lily was pregnant when they were on their second bottle of Firewhiskey. Peter choked and coughed and turned as red as a tomato. Sirius just slapped a hand against James's back and started laughing with joy. But Remus...he couldn't even bring himself to look at his friend. James was going to be a father. And Remus had never felt jealousy so intense in his entire life as he did right then. _

_When Harry was born and James asked Remus to be his son's godfather, the shame of that jealousy made him talk James into choosing Sirius instead. What did he have to offer as a godfather, anyway? He knew all too well what he was and how dangerous he was, especially to an innocent baby. _

_Even when James and Lily were gone and he believed Sirius had betrayed them all, Remus didn't regret his decision. It was better that Harry went to his Muggle family, rather than come to him. It was better that his condition kept Remus alone. _

_He was never meant to have what James had. _

But everything had changed. And yet, nothing had really changed. The war was coming again. More innocent lives would be taken before it was through. How dare he bring a child into such uncertainty? How could he have been so stupid? He should have brewed the potion himself and done everything short of force-feeding it to Tonks to get her to take it.

Better still, he should have kept his hands off of her in the first place!

He drained his glass in one painful gulp. Tonks was still dancing with Charlie. It wasn't hard to imagine that they were a real couple. They were the same age, they had the same social standing, and they had two good jobs between them. Their wedding would have been an event to rival Bill and Fleur's Their baby would have been equal cause for celebration.

Lupin's stomach twisted into agonizing knots that he couldn't blame on the whiskey. It was the thought of his Dora with another man, even a man he liked, that made him want to hit something as hard as he could. For a split second, he wanted nothing more than to storm the dance floor and claim his wife like the beast he was.

But just then, Arthur Weasley plopped down into the chair next to his. The father of the groom had been indulging in the champagne; his plump, pleasant face was red and perspiration dotted his receding hairline. Yet for all of that, he managed to level Lupin with a knowing look.

"If anyone here deserves to have a bit of fun tonight, it's you, Remus."

Lupin blinked. "I could say the same of you."

"Oh, I am," Arthur assured him. "My oldest is married and my youngest is lost in first love." He had definitely been drinking; he grasped Lupin's arm. "I hope you find out soon, Remus, how much more brilliant life is when you watch it through your children's eyes."

Lupin cleared his throat. "I can...only imagine."

Arthur pointed across the tent to where Ron was dancing with Hermione Granger. "Molly and I brought him into the world when it was falling apart. I hated myself for it. Already had five lives to worry about. But then...there he was...all pink skin and red hair and suddenly the war made even more sense. Because I remembered what we were fighting for." His fingers dug into Lupin's arm. "Our children!"

He wanted to tell this man, this jolly, seven-times father who had trusted Lupin with one of his sons during the battle over Little Whinging, about Tonks and the baby. But Molly called for her husband before he could. With a loopy smile, Arthur heaved himself up from the table, leaving Lupin alone again.

Tonks was still dancing, only with Fred Weasley now. She was smiling at something he said when she looked over his shoulder...and caught sight of her husband staring at her like the rest of the wedding guests didn't exist and they were alone in the world.

"Thanks for the dance, mate," she told Fred. With a friendly kiss to his cheek, Tonks started making her way towards Lupin. At the same moment, he started walking to her.

They never reached each other. Kingsley's Patronus appeared in the middle of the dance floor, heralding the fall of the Ministry.

And the world exploded into chaos.

* * *

TBC


	6. November 1997

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Just want to thank you for taking the time to read and/or review:) I really hope you're still enjoying the story, especially you, Leslie!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. - Jacques Prevert_

_

* * *

_

Remus had been gone for three months and eleven days when Tonks felt the baby move for the first time.

She was on her hands and knees in her mother's garden, yanking weeds and pretending they were individual hairs on her husband's chest. It was a game she played in the brief moments when her anger at him surpassed her aching grief. How best to torture Remus when he came back.

If he ever came back.

Tonks had just ripped up a fistful of yokeberry when the fluttering started. It was nothing more than a ripple, like bubbles, but it was strong enough to make Tonks sit back on her knees in shock. Her hands, though caked with dirt, covered her slightly rounded belly as if she could touch the tiny life within.

"Hello," she whispered to her stomach. "I felt that, I did. And it's brilliant." A tear slid down her cheek. She thumbed it away, leaving a streak of dirt on her cheek. "You're brilliant," she told her baby.

Remus should have been there beside her, marveling over the proof that their child was thriving. She wanted his hand to search her belly, to see if he could feel it, too. She wanted to see the wonder in his eyes. She wanted to see him at all.

The anger faded away, like it always did, and the wound on her heart that Remus had inflicted felt as raw as the day he'd disappeared, leaving behind only a hastily scawled note.

_A mistake made out of love is still a mistake. Please stay safe and please don't look for me. I have nothing to give a child and I won't take anything more away from you. _

"Nymphadora!"

Her mother's voice forced her to open her eyes. Andromeda was at the back door of the house, her hands on her hips.

"It's getting dark, love. Best come inside."

Tonks looked up at the orange and pink sky. How long had she been sitting in the dirt, wishing for something that was never going to be hers again? The fluttering had stopped, but she kept her hand on her belly as she staggered her to feet and started towards the house.

She could smell the dinner her mother had prepared before she even crossed the threshold. No doubt it would be one of her favorite dishes. Andromeda seemed determined to feed her daughter as much as possible, as if the food would put a smile back on her face. Or maybe her mother just needed to keep buys in the kitchen, to forget about what was going on in their world.

"Honestly, Nymphadora!" As Tonks crossed the kitchen to wash her hands at the sink, her mother followed behind and with her wand, she obliviated every speck of mud that Tonks left behind on the wood floor. "Will you ever remember to take your shoes off when you come in from the garden?"

There wasn't any use in arguing with a Black, so Tonks just grabbed the soap and started scrubbing the dirt from underneath her fingernails.

"I made steak and kidney pie," Andromeda said as she pulled a steaming casserole dish from the oven. "Red meat is good for the baby, especially if he's..." She cleared her throat. "...like his father."

Tonks said nothing to this. Her mother had never had anything against Remus, no matter what he'd imagined in his head, until he had left Tonks pregnant and alone at the height of a war. A parent could put up with a lot of flaws in the person her child chose to love, but abandonment wasn't one of them.

They sat down to eat, just the two of them at a table that was meant for many more. Although his name was never mentioned, when Andromeda ducked her head for a silent prayer, Tonks knew exactly who was on her mind.

Ted Tonks had been forced underground a month after she moved back in, and although he had managed to get a few notes to them since then, nothing had come in almost three weeks.

Tonks wanted to pray, but there was just too much to ask for. Her father's health, the Order's success, Harry Potter's safety, her baby's continued growth...and then there was Remus. She'd never get to eat if she went down that road.

So she picked up her fork and started on her dinner. It was delicious, but she could barely taste anything anymore. She really only ate at all because her baby needed her to take care of herself.

Several times during their silent meal, Tonks wanted to tell her mother about the baby's movement, but she never did. After they finished, Andromeda washed up because she'd lost enough good dishes to her daughter's inept housekeeping spells to know better than to ask her to help, while Tonks escaped to the living room and curled up in her favorite chair by the window.

She had a book in her hand, a thick tome that told a witch what to expect when she was expecting, but she wasn't able to read more than a few sentences before her eyes drifted away from the page.

It was the first night of the full moon. Tonks stared out the window at the luminous orb hanging in the dark sky. Had her husband taken his potion or was he running wild? Was he in pain? Was he alone?

Did he miss her at all?

Andromeda came into the living room and found her normally strong, independent, care-free daughter silently sobbing into the sleeve of her jumper. There was nothing she could do but kneel down beside the chair and offer Tonks her shoulder to cry on.

After a long time, Tonks finally spoke. "I felt the baby today, Mum."

Smiling through her own tears, Andromeda tightened her arms around her child. "You'll never forget that feeling, love." She kissed Tonks' limp brown hair. "Some things stay with you forever."

Tonks squeezed her eyes shut, but it did nothing to stop her tears.

* * *

He woke in the middle of a forest with absolutely no memory as to how he'd gotten there.

Sheilding his eyes against the relentless sun, Lupin sat up, grateful that he was at least still wearing his trousers, although they were cut to ribbons and stained with blood. He must have transformed, despite having taken what was left of the wolfsbane potion that had been brewed for him several months earlier.

He didn't want to remember that day, but when he blinked, all he could see was Tonks standing in the kitchen of their tiny cottage, dipping a ladle into her cauldron, the pink edge of her tongue sticking out from between her lips, like it always did when she was concentrating too hard.

_"I took a N.E.W.T. in Potions, Remus," she had told him when he expressed some doubt about her ability to brew the wolfsbane. "Had to, to be an Auror. Now shut your gob and get out of here before you make me muck it all up!" _

The potion had turned out perfectly, almost as good as when Snape had brewed it for him during his year teaching at Hogwarts, but even a great potions-master couldn't make the wolfsbane stay potent forever. Last night had clearly been proof of that.

There was no use in searching for his shirt. In just his shredded trousers, Lupin staggered to his feet, waited for his head to stop spinning, and started walking. He had no idea where he was going, but his throat burned with thirst.

When he finally came upon a babbling stream, he dropped to his knees, cupped his hands and drank until he couldn't hold anything more. Only then did he start splashing his face and arms with the water, washing away the blood and dirt that had dried on his skin.

Lupin sat back on the grass. It was warmer in the sun, but there was still a cold November wind that ran straight through his body. Anyone else would have been shivering, but the moon still lingered in his blood, a fever that kept his temperature higher than a regular human could have survived.

Tonks had called him her personal heater and she'd taken great pleasure in wearing nothing to bed on the coldest of nights in order to wrap herself around his overheated limbs.

Water dripped from his beard and ran down his chest. He lay back on the patch of sun-splashed grass and closed his eyes. Dora. The harder he tried not to think about her, the more she crept into his thoughts. Her and the baby they'd created.

How many nights had he dreamt about the child he hadn't even met yet? He had lost count. The dreams...they were all different and yet all the same. His subconscious conjured up both daughters and sons, bright, beautiful, brilliant children with their mother's laughing eyes.

And then, inevitably, those dream children would start to morph into tiny, rabid wolves. And he would wake in a sweat, more determined than ever to keep away from what he wanted most in the world.

But as he dozed by the stream, a vision of his unborn child came to him. Stayed with him. And despite how long he lay dreaming in that patch of sunlight, this time, the image of the baby never changed. It stayed the same, a tiny life, helpless and innocent, bearing none of his stigma, only a toothless grin and pudgy arms that reached for him.

This time, he was able to reach back. And as the baby's delicate fingers wrapped around his pinky, Lupin could see his wife smiling at him as she cradled their child against her chest.

Lupin's eyes opened. The branches of the trees high above him danced in the wind, but all he could see was Dora and the baby.

He wanted to go home. He'd wanted to go home for a long time.

He just didn't know if he had a home anymore.

* * *

Mad-Eye would have been so proud. Five and a half months of pregnancy had not slowed her reaction time in the slightest. The very second the invisible barrier around the house was breeched, Tonks was out of bed, wand in hand.

"Stay back," she told her mother when Andromeda peeked out from the master bedroom. In just her drawstring pajama pants and tank top, Tonks crept towards the stairs.

If it was a Death Eater who had somehow broken through her protective charms, they were very quiet, which probably meant it wasn't her aunt. Bellatrix was a lot of things, but subtle wasn't one of them.

The unmistakable creak of the front door was deafening in the silent house. Tonks froze halfway down the staircase. Whoever it was, they'd made it inside.

With a deep breath, Tonks kept going, taking each step as carefully as possible to avoid giving herself away. She wouldn't trip, she refused to stumble...her life, her mother's life and her baby's life were all on the line.

The intruder was in the living room now. As she peered around the corner, she saw a tall figure in shabby robes, warming his hands over the dying fire in the hearth.

Her breath caught in the back of her throat. The baby kicked wildly as her heart pounded in her chest.

Even after so many weeks apart, her husband was unmistakable.

* * *

Lupin never saw it coming. One second he was standing by the fireplace, trying to work up the nerve to go upstairs and face his wife, and the next, he found himself staring down the wrong end of a wand.

He lifted his hands in surrender. "Dora, it's only me."

The woman with her wand at his throat stared at him without blinking; her hair was as black as coal. "I know."

His eyes slipped down the length of her body. Her tank top, which used to hang loose around her waist, now struggled to stretch over the protruding curve of her belly. He swallowed heavily as his gaze traveled back up to her face.

"My god." He shook his head in wonder. "You look incredible, love."

Her hand shook suddenly, but Tonks kept her expression hard and fixed straight on him. "Is that supposed to make everything better, Remus?" Before he could answer, she rushed on, "Because it doesn't, you know. It doesn't change anything!"

"I know," Lupin soothed. "I know, Dora." He paused. "I made the biggest mistake of my life."

"Which mistake was that?" she snapped. "Marrying me, leaving me or knocking me up? Your little note wasn't all that clear."

Lupin gave her a few seconds before he continued. "I wish I could make you understand how terrified I was."

His wife's eyes narrowed. "Was?"

"It's still there," he admitted. "The fear." He took a step towards her and tried not to feel disheartened when she immediately took a step back. "But I learned something while I was gone."

She didn't want to look him in the eye. If she looked him in the eye, her resolve would crumble. Instead, Tonks settled her glare on the half-healed scratches on his face. "And what's that?"

While she was concentrating on his new scars, she didn't notice him reach out and grasp her hand until he'd lowered her wand.

"My fears don't matter as much as you and the baby matter." He dared to touch her cheek; the feeling of his cool fingers on her flushed skin made her inhale sharply. "I'm sorry, Dora. I'm so sorry."

Still, she refused to look at him. "You left us."

"Yes," he whispered.

"Well..." Tonks jerked her chin away, breaking contact. She folded her arms as much as she could around her baby bump. "Are you back now?" He nodded. "For good?"

Lupin lowerd his chin again. "If you'll have me."

Before she could say anything, Andromeda entered, her own wand raised. She lowered it when she saw them standing in front of the fireplace.

"Nymphadora?" Her lips were pursed; she pointedly ignored her son-in-law. "Are you all right?"

"Fine, Mum." Tonks turned her head just enough to see her mother. "It's fine. You can go back to bed."

Andromeda hesitated, but eventually did as her daughter asked and headed back up the stairs. When she heard the bedroom door shut, Tonks finally looked at her husband.

"I was so happy." Her arms slipped down until she was hugging her rounded belly. "I felt like I'd finally found my real face, Remus." Her lip quivered. "But you took that away from me. Do you understand that? Do you know how much that hurt?"

Lupin's Adam's apple bobbed. "If you'll let me, Dora, I want to spend the rest of my life making up for it."

"What if you get scared again?" She tossed her now-brown hair out of her eyes. "What if our baby is different? What if we don't win this war and we never stop running and hiding? Are you going to abandon us every time things get a bit rough?"

"The only way I can answer that is by showing you that I will be here with you, with our baby, until the day you don't want me anymore."

Tonks tried to sniff indignantly, but it came out with much more emotion than she'd intended. "Bloody unlikely that'll ever happen." She blinked madly, willing her tears back. "All right."

Remus searched her face. "All right?"

She rubbed her arm over her eyes before she gave him the most defiant look she could muster. "Start showing me, Remus."

Ten minutes later, Tonk slid back into her bed, only this time, her husband was beside her. As much as she wanted to tuck herself into his arms, her pride just wouldn't let her. Instead, she turned onto her side, putting her back to him.

"Nox," he said, turning off the bed-side lamp.

In the dark, Tonks felt Lupin shift behind her, aligning his body against hers with only an inch or two of space between them. His hand covered her belly and the baby gave its father a happy kick.

"I love you," Lupin murmured. "I love you both."

Tonks closed her eyes, but sleep never reclaimed her. She lay awake until dawn, reveling in the feeling of her husband's arm around her and their child moving within her.

If it didn't last, if he left again, she would at least have this one incredible memory.

* * *

To Be Continued


	7. December 1997

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Need a cold shower after this chapter! Enjoy and thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful reviews!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. - Emily Kimbrough_

_

* * *

_

Christmas Eve dawned cold and clear. An overnight storm had left the house and the garden covered in a heavy layer of powdery white snow, but it had moved on long before Lupin woke up.

He spent the first few minutes of the day just enjoying the feeling of the warm bed. After spending more nights outside than he cared to admit, he would never again take a real bed for granted...especially if his wife was sharing it with him.

Tonks lay sleeping next to him; her body rested at the oddest angle, not entirely on her back, yet not completely on her side. He was just grateful that she'd found a comfortable position at all. As their baby grew, it seemed harder and harder for Dora to get a good night's sleep.

Lupin reached out to stroke the curve of her belly through the heavy quilt that covered them both. Tonks frowned in her sleep and shifted her body. Her head flopped to the other side and her lips parted slightly. Lupin froze and waited to see if she would wake.

When she didn't, his shoulders relaxed. While his wife had never told him that he couldn't touch her, ever since his return only a few short weeks earlier, she had slept beside him, but nothing more.

He hadn't even tried to kiss her yet. He didn't fancy getting hit with a Bat-Bogey Charm.

The time before Dora woke was Lupin's time with the baby. Every day, he swore the child was getting bigger, although he wisely kept this thought to himself. He couldn't stop staring at Dora's belly, couldn't believe that he'd had any part in creating such an incredible miracle as the one growing inside of her. And he couldn't wait to hold his son or daughter.

With his palm on the underside of her rounded stomach, Lupin scooted down the bed to get closer to the baby.

"Good morning," he whispered. "I see you decided to let your mum get some sleep; thank you for that." He lightly shook a finger at his child. "She needs her rest, you know."

He glanced out the frosty windowpanes. "It's almost Christmas," he told the baby. "You'll love Christmas. We'll do it right every year, no matter what's going on in the world or where we are or even how much money we have. I promise."

Lupin looked at his wife's face. Her eyes were still closed, so he took the opportunity to press his ear to her belly, hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat.

When he lifted his head up again, he saw Dora, wide awake and watching him.

* * *

She came out her dreams when her husband touched her stomach. It was such a loving, fatherly touch that she felt slightly guilty about the throbbing ache it started at the center of her body. As he stroked the place where their child grew, all Tonks wanted was to grab his hand and guide it lower.

There was still one tiny part of her that was still angry at him and wanted to punish him with abstinence, but the rest of her just plain wanted him in every possible way. It was getting harder and harder to lie beside him every night without reaching for him in the dark. Perhaps it was the pregnancy affecting her body, but even her dreams had taken a turn for the downright naughty.

But Lupin never touched her except for when he thought she was sleeping. Even then he only really touched the baby. And while her heart melted every time he started talking to their child, she had a couple of better ideas of what he could do to wake her up in the mornings.

She was starting to wonder if maybe he'd only returned out of obligation, rather than because he needed or even wanted her.

When he noticed she wasn't sleeping, Lupin immediately withdrew his hand and the loss of contact made her draw in a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I was just..." He trailed off. "Forgive me."

"For what?" Her throat closed up. "Remus..." Tonks struggled to lift herself up on her elbows, not an easy feat given her stomach. Quite suddenly and without warning, she felt thoroughly and horribly unattractive. True to form, she tried to brush it off with a joke, but the wobble in her voice gave her away. "I know I'm a bit of whale, but do you really not want me at all anymore?"

He stared at her in disbelief. "How can you even say that, Dora?"

Her nightshirt strained across her chest, but his eyes never left her face. "Why won't you touch me?" she asked. "Why won't you even look at me?"

Tonks watched his throat bob as he swallowed heavily. If she'd been able to, she would have vaulted upright in order to kiss that spot.

"I touch you," he replied feebly.

"Not enough," she shot back. "And not where I want you to."

Lupin hung his head, shaking it back and forth. "I don't deserve that. I don't deserve you."

"What about what I deserve?" It took some effort, but Tonks managed to sit up all the way. She immediately sank her fingers into his shaggy, greying hair. "Please look at me, Remus." He lifted his chin. "I want you."

His reply came out hoarse and raw, like a man just couldn't control himself any longer. Like an animal. "You have no idea how much I want you, Dora."

Not half a second later, their mouths ground together in a rough kiss that set every nerve in Tonks's body aflame. Their lips only parted long enough for Lupin to grab the bottom of her shirt and yank it up over her head. It landed on the floor as he drank in the sight of her full breasts.

As he kissed her, slower this time, but no less deeply, he gently cupped her in each hand. His thumbs seemed to know just the right amount of pressure to apply to her hyper-sensitive nipples. She groaned into his mouth from the sheer painful pleasure.

He nuzzled her neck as his hands rediscovered her body. "I love how you've changed," he mumured into her hair.

Tonks grabbed his shoulders as his touch trailed down lower, over her swollen stomach. "Remus..."

"Shh," he quieted her as he urged her onto her back. Lying beside her, his eyes locked onto hers as his hand slipped beneath the quilt. "I dreamed about you...like this...while I was gone." His long fingers found the heat between her legs. She tried, but couldn't keep her eyes open as he started stroking the part of her that ached the most.

"But even in my dreams..." He lowered his mouth to her breast, letting his tongue trace patterns there that made her writhe with anticipation. "...you were never this ready."

"It's been a long...long time," she panted as one hand reached back to grip the headboard behind her. The other she buried in his hair again; her nails scratched his scalp.

Remus never stopped his very welcome assault. He might have kept going until the inevitable explosion, but there was a knock on their door.

"Nymphadora?" The sound of her mother's voice made them both freeze. "Fancy a spot of breakfast?"

As his wife couldn't seem to catch her breath enough to talk, Lupin answered for her. "Sounds lovely, Andromeda. Down in a minute."

Andromeda hesitated at the door, as if she wanted to add something, but finally they heard her shuffle off. Tonks instantly relaxed. But when she started laughing, Remus frowned. "What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "But you just...you sounded so bloody proper right there! Lovely and all that!" She shook her head against the pillows as she laughed. "Like you weren't bringing me off but a half second earlier."

"I miss our house," he grumbled. "It was private."

"So do I." A moment passed, but Remus made no movement to keep going where they'd left off. "Are we really stopping just for toast and tea?" she asked.

Before he could answer, her stomach growled loudly enough to be heard on the other side of the room.

Remus smiled and gently withdrew his hand from the blankets. "To be continued," he promised her with soft kiss. She gently latched onto his lower lip, drawing it out between her teeth. "As soon as possible," he quickly added.

Tonks smirked as her husband stumbled out of bed, hunched over like a teenage boy at the end of a very good, but not completely satisfying date.

* * *

Breakfast was a mostly silent affair, as all of their shared meals had been since Lupin returned. As he cut into his grilled tomato, he couldn't help but smile a bit as Tonks happily loaded marmalade onto her toast in quantities that would have made her sick six months earlier. At the head of the table, Andromeda stirred sugar into her tea, her back as straight as a board, looking every inch a product of the Noble House of Black.

Lupin cleared his throat and lowered his fork. "I'll clear the walk after breakfast, if that's all right with you, Andromeda. It must have been quite a storm last night."

Tonks chewed her way through a massive bite of toast and marmalade. "Hear that, Mum? Remus is going to clear the walk."

"To what end?" Andromeda asked, her tone as frosty as the windows. "We're not expecting any company, are we?"

Unable to bear the shadow that fell over his wife's face, Lupin reached for her knee under the table and gave it a squeeze.

Tonks braved a smile. "You never know," she told her mother. "Molly or Arthur could pop by. Or maybe Bill and Fleur. It is Christmas, after all."

"You'll understand if I'm unwilling to expect any miracles this year, Nymphadora."

The silence had never seemed so heavy before.

"He's all right, Mum." Tonks swallowed as tears stung her eyes. "Wherever Dad is, he's fine. Otherwise we..." She hesitated. "We would have heard."

Andromeda's hand shook as she lifted her tea cup. "Indeed," was all she would say.

After breakfast, Tonks headed into the living room where she, with Lupin's help, had transfigured an antique wardrobe into a Christmas tree the day before. With her wand, she started conjuring lights and ornanments, determined to make the house as festive as possible, to make up for everything and everyone who was missing.

Lupin stayed in the kitchen, enjoying the last of his tea. When Andromeda started to clear the table, he stood up and reached for the plates in her hand.

"Allow me?" he asked.

His mother-in-law jerked the plates away from him. "I don't need your help." She strode to the sink and dropped the dishes into the soapy water with more force than necessary. After a second, Andromeda spun around to face him. "I need to get something off my chest."

Lupin quietly sat back down and waited for her to go on.

"I am not like my sisters. I don't share their views and I abhor their prejudices," she started. "But when Nymphadora told me she'd fallen in love with a man who happened to be a werewolf, I won't lie and say I was thrilled about it."

"I can't blame you for that."

Andromeda went on, "I never knew my daughter to be serious about anything for too long, so I told myself that it was just a fleeting fancy. It would pass." She folded her arms. "It didn't. Next thing I knew, she started changing into someone I'd always thought I wanted her to be, but really didn't know at all. Her hair, her manner...even her magic. Loving you made her so unhappy that she stopped being herself."

In the living room, blissfully unaware of what was happening in the kitchen, Tonks started humming an off-key rendition of _Sick and Silent Night_.

"I know you think we didn't come to your wedding because Ted and I disapproved of Nymphadora marrying a werewolf, but that wasn't it at all. What we disapproved of was her marrying someone who had caused her so much heartache for such a long time."

Lupin looked down at his hands. "I understand."

"Do you? I hardly think so. You can't know yet what it's like to see your child suffer. I hope you never know that feeling because it rips your heart in two, it does. And even when they're happy again, that wound is still there because you know just how helpless you were to make their pain stop."

Andromeda unfolded her arms. "When Nymphadora came to stay with us, she didn't get out of bed for week. I had to force her to eat, but I suspect she only indulged me because she knew the baby needed it more than she did. I listened to my daughter cry herself to sleep every night. And every night I told myself that if I ever saw you again, I would make you hear it, too."

From within her robes, Andromeda withdew a tiny vial filled with a shimmering blue light. "My memory of the first night she spent here after you left." She held it out to him. "Take it. I don't want it anymore."

His arm felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, but Lupin took the vial. After staring at it for a second, he looked up at his wife's mother. "For what it's worth, I am sorry."

"I believe you, Remus. But I'm not ready to forgive and forget just yet."

He closed his hand around her unwanted memory. "Is there anything I can do in the meantime?"

Andromeda turned back to her dishes. "Clearing the walk is a good start." When he got up and started for the door, she added, "Also, bear this in mind. If you ever willingly leave my daughter again, I will show you just how much like my sisters I can be when I choose to."

Lupin decided against using magic to clear the walk. Instead, he forged through the snow to the garden shed in search of a shovel.

* * *

For Christmas Eve dinner, Tonks wore the moonstone brooch Lupin had given her the year before. Every time he looked at it, the memory of that night made him want to punch his own face. Had it really only been a year since he'd shown up at her flat and made love to her on the floor before wrenching himself back out of her life?

By all accounts, considering everything he'd done to her, there really wasn't any logical reason why  
Dora should have kept loving him. But she had and now, only twelve months later, not only were they married, but they were expecting a child.

Before he fell back into old patterns, Lupin took a healthy swig of eggnog and smiled as his wife charmed the star on top of the tree into singing carols. Dora loved him in spite of everything. That was all he needed to know. It was all that really mattered.

"Remus, come dance with me!"

It was an invitation he couldn't refuse. Setting down his glass, Lupin crossed to the center of the living room where Dora was swaying to the music, her hands covering her belly. She smiled at him and his heart skipped a beat.

Tonks threw her arms around his neck as he drew her as close as possible. Nothing in the world felt better than dancing with his wife.

"What did you say to Mum earlier?" she asked a few minutes later. "She actually smiled at dinner. Twice!" Lupin just pressed a kiss against her temple and said nothing. "Do you think Dad's safe tonight?" she wondered out loud.

Lupin thought before answering. "I think he's missing both of you just as much as you're missing him." He rubbed her back. "A lot can happen in a year, Dora. This could all be over by then and your father will be here to help us celebrate our baby's first Christmas."

She nodded, not necessarily because she believed him, but because not believing him was much worse. "Yeah. I mean, look at us, right?"

"Look at us," he repeated. "Who would have thought?"

"Me." Tonks rested her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes. "I thought."

Andromeda stood up from her place next to the fire, clearing her throat lightly as if to remind the couple that she was still there. "I think I shall retire for the night."

Tonks tore herself away from her husband to give her mother a hug. They held each other tightly for a long time before Tonks finally whispered, "Happy Christmas, Mum."

"Happy Christmas, sweetheart." Andromeda pulled back and kissed her daughter's forehead. Turning her attention to Lupin, she gave him a small nod. "And to you."

Lupin lowered his chin in acknowledgement. "Happy Christmas, Andromeda."

When she was gone, Tonks reached for his hand. "So...we could stay down here and dance some more. Or we could go upstairs and..." She let him fill in the blanks.

And he did. Without a word, and with hardly any effort despite her belly, Lupin lifted his wife into his arms and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom.

* * *

Lupin had always thought that the silencing charm was one of the most useful things ever invented. Now that he was living in the same house as his wife's mother, he was absolutely convinced of it.

Without the charm, Andromeda would have had a few more memories that needed to be purged.

The baby was a challenge, but not a deterrent. In fact, seeing Dora fully naked for the first time since he'd returned only served to arouse him to the point of near-madness. She was lush and ripe and full of their child and he didn't just desire her.

He needed her.

"From behind," she told him as they searched for a way to love. "On our sides."

So he pushed into her warmth at the same time he buried his face in her neck. Their fingers entwined at her breast as he withdrew, only to thrust again, faster this time, but still too slow for her liking.

She moved against him and craned her neck back to give him a kiss over her shoulder. "More, Remus," she breathed. "Harder..."

As he obeyed, his free hand slid over her hip, reaching for the place where their bodies joined. She cried out as he took her over the edge into pleasure so intense that he had to hold her jerking body still until it passed. Only when she was limp and pliant in his arms did he allow himself the same release.

They lay in the dark, sweat cooling on their skin, as it started to snow outside.

"We should make this a Christmas Eve tradition," Tonks murmured as she ran her fingers up and down the length of the arm he had draped across her breasts. "Until we're too old and gray to do anything but hold hands."

Her hair covered his pillow like a soft, vanilla-scented blanket. He inhaled deeply. "I'll never be too old to want you, Dora."

She smiled sleepily. "Me too." He thought she had drifted off, but a few minutes later she quietly said, "I've loved you for three Christmases now."

"Three?"

Tonks lolled her head in affirmation. "Three."

"I've loved you for thirty-seven Christmases," Lupin whispered after her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep. "I just didn't know you for the first thirty-four."

* * *

To Be Continued


	8. March and April 1998

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Your sweet reviews keep me going;) Thank you so much and I hope you keep enjoying the story.

* * *

_We never know the love of our parents for us until we have become parents. - Henry Ward Beecher_

_

* * *

_

Molly Weasley had just finished casting a charm to clean the dinner dishes when she heard the increasingly rare popping sound that signaled the breaching of the protective shield around the Burrow. Gripping her wand tighter, she calmly crossed to the kitchen window and looked out.

Remus Lupin had Apparated onto the lawn and was now running towards the house.

Puzzled, she rushed to meet him at the door. "Remus? Whatever are you doing here?"

Knowing him to be a preternaturally calm man, Molly was shocked at the sheer panic written all over his scarred face. "Didn't know...where else to go," he managed to say as he tried to catch his breath. "It's Dora."

Molly grabbed his arm. "The baby's coming?"

Lupin shook his head wildly. "No, it can't. It's too soon!"

This amused her. "Babies tend to stick to their own schedules, whether we're ready for them or not."

He just kept shaking his head. "You don't understand." He squeezed his eyes shut. "We heard...just found out today..." Lupin forced them open in order to look at her. "Her father's been killed."

Molly's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh no! How?"

"Snatchers," Lupin spat out the word. "They left his body in a Muggle village, but a witch hiding out there recognized him."

"Oh, Remus, I am so sorry," she whispered. "How are..."

"Andromeda's devastated and Dora...she started having pains." He grasped Molly's shoulder. "I don't know what to do."

Molly didn't even hesitate. "Just give me a minute to tell Arthur."

* * *

_On the day her letter from Hogwarts arrived, Tonks was so excited that she tripped going up the stairs and knocked out one of her two front teeth on the wooden steps. _

_Her father found her on the landing, bleeding profusely and trying her hardest not to cry. All it took was a wave of his wand to fix her teeth, good as new._

_"Dora, my Dora," he said with great affection as he pulled her onto his lap. Because her mouth still hurt, not to mention her scraped knee and elbow, Tonks let herself burrow into the safety of his arms. He laughed and planted a kiss onto the top of her head. "Whatever am I going to do without you next year?" _

A strong contraction jerked Tonks out of the memory. As the pain gripped her lower body, hot tears streamed down her temples, wetting her hair and the pillow beneath her head.

She wanted her mother, but Andromeda was lost to the blissful unconsciousness of a sleeping potion. She wanted Remus, but he'd left to find help. She wanted...

"Dad," Tonks sobbed as the cramping grew worse. Out of all the pains she was experiencing, her heart hurt the worst.

It was getting harder to breathe through the contractions. Every time she felt one coming, terror seized her because it was too early for the baby to come. She was only seven and a half months along. There was still snow outside; spring was a long way off!

The contraction had just started to dissipate when she heard the front door open. "Dora?" Two pairs of legs thundered up the stairs and only a minute later, Remus and Molly appeared in the bedroom.

"I think...it's happening, Remus." Tonks' chin trembled. "I can't make it stop."

Pushing past the shell-shocked father-to-be, Molly sat down on the bed and took Tonks' clammy hand between her own. "Does it feel like you want to push, dear?"

Tonks shook her head. "No. I mean...I don't think so. It just hurts."

"You'll know when it's time," Molly assured her. "There won't be any doubt. Right now, I just want you to breathe slowly and deeply." She demonstrated. "Just like that. In and out...slowly." As Tonks obeyed to the best of her ability, Molly nodded and stood up. "That's it. Keep going, dear."

With Tonks concentrating on her breathing, Molly pulled Remus aside. "I don't believe she's in real labor. This happened to me with Ginny. I was so distressed, worrying all the time about everything that was going on with the war and the Order. And then...my brothers were killed..."

She shook off the memory. "I had early contractions just like this. Only they went away after awhile and Ginny wasn't born for another two weeks."

Lupin stared at his wife. "She's in so much pain."

"She's grieving, Remus. It makes everything harder." Molly patted his arm. "I'll fix some tea and stay in case I'm wrong, of course, but I think the pains will pass when she's able to calm down." With that, she left the room.

Tonks had her eyes closed as she concentrated on her breathing, but they opened when she felt her husband sink down onto the bed beside her. "Remus?" Her voice broke as fresh sobs welled up in her chest. "He's gone..."

"I know." His fingers trembled as he stroked her cheek. "I'm so sorry, love. Shhh," he soothed as her face crumpled in agony. "Just breathe."

Tonks drew in a ragged breath. "He'll never meet our baby...and he would have been...would have been a brilliant grand-dad!"

Lupin just kept stroking her face and murmuring soft reassurances until finally her body started to relax. By the time Molly returned with the tea, Tonks had fallen back asleep. The pains had, for the most part, passed. One of her hands was etwined with her husband's and the other rested on the mound of her stomach.

Molly stood in the doorway, watching them for a long moment. It would have been quite agreeable to have Tonks as a daughter-in-law, but this was clearly where she belonged. As for Lupin, Molly had known him since he was a quiet, brooding teenager, but she had never seen him happy before Tonks came along.

She set the tea tray down onto the bureau with a flourish. "See, now? What did I tell you?"

Lupin bent over to kiss his wife's cold fingers before releasing her hand. "Thank you, Molly. Thank you so much."

"I checked on Andromeda." Molly lowered her chin in deep sympathy for the woman who had just lost her husband. "She'll be asleep for a long time, bless her heart. Better that way, I suppose."

He straightened up. "I know its a lot to ask, but could you stay with them both for a bit? There's something I need to do."

* * *

It wasn't his first time speaking on Potterwatch, but it was the first time he'd tracked down the program's founder, Lee Jordan, to share the news of an untimely and tragic death. When Lee announced that Ted Tonks had been murdered, Lupin swallowed a lump in his throat.

"And now," Lee suddenly said, "Over to Romulus for our popular feature 'Pals of Potter.'"

He nodded at the boy. "Thanks, River."

"Romulus, do you maintain, as you have every time you've appeared on our program, that Harry Potter is still alive?"

"I do," Lupin replied without hesitation. As he continued, he tried to focus on Harry's face as he'd seen it for the first time in twelve years, on the Hogwarts Express in the aftermath of a Dementor attack. Harry. The perfect combination of Lily and James, not just in looks, but in character traits.

He could only hope that his own child would grow up to be as brave and true.

"The Boy Who Lived remains a symbol of everything for which we are fighting," Lupin finished up. "The triumph of good, the power of innocence, the need to keep resisting."

"And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, Romulus?"

Lupin would never forget the harsh words they had exchanged at Grimmauld Place and he would be eternally grateful to Harry for trying to kick him back onto the right path back to Tonks and the baby. The student had become the teacher. Someday, he would thank the boy properly.

Right then, all he could do was send out a message and pray that it reached the right ears.

"I'd tell him we're all with him in spirit." He paused. "And I'd tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right."

When the broadcast ended, Lupin Apparated back to the house. Tonks was still asleep. After seeing Molly off, Lupin eased himself into bed with his wife.

It was only there in the dark, with Dora's warm body beside him, that he was able to shed his own tears for his father-in-law, his wife, for her mother, for James and Lily, for Sirius, for Harry, and for the dark world into which his child would be born.

* * *

A month later, Tonks woke with an ache in her lower back that wouldn't go away, no matter how much she stretched. She chalked it up to one of the many joys of pregnancy, right up there with constantly needing the loo and having her feet swell up to twice their size, and went about making breakfast.

To Tonks' relief, Andromeda joined them at the table and said nothing about the slightly burnt toast and undercooked eggs that her daughter proudly placed in front of her. There was a far-off look in her eyes, but at least she was awake and eating again.

When they were done, Tonks struggled to stand. Her stomach stretched in front of her like the bow of a ship and it was only with Lupin's help that she was able to rise to her feet at all.

"Do you mind washing up?" she asked him. "I'm going to go lie down for a minute."

Lupin frowned. "Are you all right, love?"

"I'm fine." It was a lie. The ache in her back had crept around to her lower abdomen. Tonks had a good idea of what was happening; she just wanted to be absolutely certain before she shared it with him. "Just uncomfortable."

In the living room, she didn't lie down. Instead, she waddled back and forth in front of the fireplace, breathing deeply. Tonks glanced at the clock on the wall. April 2nd. Her baby's birthday was going to be April 2nd.

The first contraction struck her without warning. She grabbed the mantle to keep from pitching forward as she doubled over in pain.

"Remus!"

He came running, with a dish still in his hand. Upon seeing her bent over, holding onto her belly, the plate crashed to the floor. Lupin swallowed heavily, his face as white as a sheet. "I'll get Molly," was all he could say.

"Nonsense." Andromeda brushed past her son-in-law as she rushed to her daughter's side. Gone was the grief-stricken trance she had been lost to since her husband's death; there was color in her cheeks and strength in her tone. "Witches deliver babies every day without Molly Weasley's help. Put your arm around me, Dora, that's a good girl." With Tonks leaning on her for support, Andromeda looked at Lupin. "We'll need plenty of clean towels and warm water." She shooed him with her hand. "Go, Remus! I'll get her upstairs."

As they slowly made their way up the steps, the contraction faded enough for Tonks to chuckle. "Do you think he'll make it through this without fainting?"

"Your father didn't," Andromeda replied without thinking. After a heavy pause, she sighed softly. "But he came round in time to see you born. He was ever so proud of you." A tear slipped down her cheek. "His Dora." She turned her head to kiss her daughter's temple. "Come on. Let's get you into bed. It's going to be a very long day."

* * *

By mid-afternoon, Tonks had decided that her husband would never be allowed to touch her again. She told him as much, or rather yelled it at him, as he tried to cool her face with a wet towel.

"Quite right," he murmured, blotting sweat from her forehead. "But you know I would do this for you if I could."

Tonks glared at him. "Wish there was a spell for..." She stopped as the pain seized her again. Unaware of what she was doing, just needing something to hold on to, Tonks grabbed Lupin's hand and squeezed hard enough to make him wince.

"Isn't there something we can do to help her?" he asked his mother-in-law. "A numbing charm or a potion?"

"The best we could do is put her to sleep, but it wouldn't last long." Andromeda wrung out a fresh cloth and handed it to him. "She's very strong, Remus." To her daughter, she added, "Everything's going really well, sweetheart. Won't be much longer now."

And it wasn't. Two hours later, Lupin watched as his son entered the world.

"It's a boy!" Andromeda cried.

Exhausted, Tonks tried to lift her head from the pillows to see. "Remus? Is he...?"

Lupin swallowed back a sudden rush of emotion. Fear, anxiety, joy, wonder...he felt dizzy. But when Andromeda placed the wailing little boy in his hands, suddenly nothing else mattered anymore. He was a father.

No one could ever take that away from him. Not the Ministry, not Voldemort, no one.

"He's perfect." Cradling the baby against his chest, Lupin sank down next to the bed. "See?"

A tiny sob escaped his wife's lips. "Oh, he is," she whispered. Her fingers lightly touched the baby's tiny hand, as if she was afraid she would hurt him. "He's beautiful...and he's ours, Remus."

Their son had a tuft of black hair, but otherwise he was pink all over. His little face was scrunched up and he wriggled in his father's hands as Lupin gently transferred him to his mother's arms.

Tonks smiled down at the baby; a tear drop fell from the tip of her nose. "Ted," she suddenly said. Looking back up, she darted from her husband to her mother. "I want to call him Ted." She glanced at Lupin again. "Ted Remus Lupin."

Andromeda sniffed delicately. With her hand at her throat, she nodded her agreement.

Lupin watched his son's cloudy blue eyes close as he drifted into sleep. It had been as hard of a day for him as it had been for his mother.

"Teddy," Lupin decided. "We'll call him Teddy."

* * *

To Be Continued

A/N: Text from the Potterwatch scene comes straight from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." No copyright infringement is intended.


	9. May 1998 Part 1

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I really want to thank you for taking the time to read and review; it means so very much to me, especially when I'm down in the dumps;)

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. - Robert Heinlein_

_

* * *

_

"Remus, come and look!"

At his wife's bidding, Lupin left the bathroom, toothbrush still in his hand, and came into the bedroom just in time to see his son's hair change from turquoise to neon green as he nursed.

Tonks laughed in delight as she looked down at Teddy. "Such a smart boy!" she crowed. "All that without ever losing focus on your dinner."

He was pretty sure that the smile on his face would have been described as goofy, but he couldn't make it go away. Everything Teddy did was brilliant as far as he and Dora were concerned. Every time he smiled, everytime he grabbed their fingers, every time he kicked his chubby little legs...they were all tiny miracles and more than enough reason to make Lupin grin like a fool.

When Teddy was finished, Lupin lifted him up and set the little boy against his shoulder while Tonks redressed. Gently, he patted his son's back, urging him to burp.

Tonks stood and came up behind her husband in order to plant a kiss on Teddy's chubby cheek. The baby cooed and flailed his arm against his father's chest.

"I love that noise," Lupin confessed. "It feels like he's trying to talk to us."

"He is." Tonks turned her nose into pig's snout and back again. Teddy watched, fascinated. "He's trying to tell us that he's quite happy, aren't you, sweetheart?"

The baby replied by opening and closing his tiny fist. His milky mouth widened into what would one day be a fully formed laugh. Unable to resist, Tonks gently seized his delicate fingers and brought them up to her lips.

Lupin kept rubbing the little boy's back until he finally burped. "I think they could hear that one in London," Tonks declared with a fair amount of pride.

"It's a little known fact that the Gryffindor boy's dormitory has an unofficial yearly burping contest," Lupin told her. "I have a feeling he'll be a champion."

Tonks gave her husband a look. "I thought we agreed to shelve this argument, even though it's clearly obvious that he has all the makings of a great Hufflepuff."

"Only a Hufflepuff would say that." Lupin laughed as his wife punched his free shoulder. "Consider it re-shelved, dear."

"That's right," Tonks sniffed indignantly. "Or else I might not have told you the good news."

Lupin sat down in the rocking chair that Tonks had just vacated. "There's good news?" he frowned. "Did I miss something on the radio? Has Harry...?"

She gently cut him off. "No, love. It's good news just for us." Tonks crossed to the bed and sank down onto the edge. "It's been four weeks since he was born..."

"Can't have been." Lupin searched the wall until he remembered that there was no clock in the bedroom. "It's only..."

"It's May 1st," she informed him. "He'll be a month old tomorrow. And..." Tonks leaned back on her elbow, hoping she looked enticing despite her still- slightly pudgy waistline. "The books say that you should wait a month before...you know..."

Lupin swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Yes. I do know."

"So..." She drew herself up again and fixed him with a come-hither stare. "Why don't we put Teddy to bed, then?"

Tearing his eyes away from his wife, he looked down at his son. The green had started to fade from his tuft of hair as his eyelids grew heavier; he wasn't old enough yet to keep the color going while he slept. And Teddy would sleep, for at least an hour...

A lot could happen in an hour.

"Are you sure, Dora?" Lupin asked.

Tonks arched an eyebrow. "Are you turning me down, Remus?"

"Never," he immediately and hastily replied. "I just don't want you do anything you're not ready to do, just because some book tells you that you can, or because you think it's what I expect."

She rolled this around in her head for a second. "While I'm glad that you're trying to keep chivalry alive, love, just put Teddy in his cot, all right?"

Lupin stood up and took it as a sign when his son didn't wake or even stir at the sudden movement.

* * *

"Am I hurting you?"

It was the first, breathless words either of them had spoken since Lupin returned from the nursery. Tonks had slipped into bed, sans clothes, while he was gone and all it had taken was a crook of her finger for him to join her between the sheets.

Since then, there had been heated silence, punctured only occasionally by a whimper of need or a moan of pleasure. In the semi-dark, their hands and lips rediscovered each other, like dance partners who were out of practice, but eager to tango once again.

But when they finally joined, Tonks drew in a sharp breath. It hurt more than she had expected.

"I'm fine," she told him when he asked. "Just need a second."

Lupin shook his head. "We should have waited."

He made a motion to withdraw, but Tonks wrapped her leg around his thigh and held him in place. "Stop. If I couldn't handle it, I would tell you."

His eyes were still troubled. "I hate causing you pain, Dora."

"Some pains are worth it." She was starting to relax and she gave him a kiss to prove it. "Having Teddy hurt a lot more than this, but I didn't just quit in the middle."

Lupin tucked a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm very glad you didn't."

Tonks nodded as she pulled his head down for a kiss. When they broke apart a few minutes later, her discomfort had mostly faded, having been replaced by an aching need. "Remus," she whispered.

He laced his fingers through hers. "We'll go slow," he murmured. "Until you're ready."

* * *

Teddy gave his parents exactly one and a half hours of bliss before he alerted them to the fact that his nappie was wet.

It was the first time since his son was born that Lupin had to force himself out of bed to tend to him. Usually he was the first one up when Teddy started crying; not only did he never want his child to be cold or wet or hungry, but he also wanted Dora to get as much sleep as possible.

However, when curled up around his wife's deliciously bare body as they lingered in the final seconds of lovemaking, it took a minute for Lupin to react to Teddy's cries.

"I can go," Tonks offered, her voice heavy with sex and sleep. "He might be hungry again."

"That's a wet nappie cry." Giving her a soft kiss, he slid out from under the covers and reached for his trousers. "Stay here. I'll be back soon."

In his cot, surrounded by stuffed animals, Teddy's little tuft of hair was Weasley red and his toothless gums were on full display as he wailed out his misery.

"Hey there, mate." Lupin picked him up and held his son against his bare chest. "It can't be as bad as all that."

Five minutes later, with a fresh nappie, Teddy was back to his usual, angelic self. His hair was the turquoise blue for which he showed a clear, if unconscious, preference and he grabbed his father's finger with a surprisingly tight grip.

'How's our little stinker?"

Lupin glanced at the nursery door. His wife leaned against the frame, her arms folded over her bathrobe as she watched them. There was just enough light from the waxing moon outside for him to see the silver gleam of a tear on her cheek.

"Dora?"

Tonks shook her head as she brushed it away. "Always the tears." She smiled ruefully. "Didn't I used to be a big, bad Auror before we met?"

"Well, you did fall a lot," he reminded her.

"And you caught me." She came into the room, her arms still crossed. "I might have fallen in love with you that first time."

Teddy's tiny fingers were warm around his index finger. How had he gone from that night, Dora's first Order meeting when she had stumbled into his arms and lit up his dark world with her bubblegum hair, to this night where he was holding his son after making love to his wife...all in just over two short years?

"Have I ever thanked you?"

Tonks tilted her head to the side. "Thanked me?"

Lupin gently lay his son back down in his cot and tugged an impossibly soft cotton blanket over his legs. Finally, he turned his attention to his wife.

"A long time ago, I decided that there were things I would never have. My friends would have them...James found Lily and then he had Harry...Sirius had a different girl every month and was bound to eventually get tied down to one of them...and I tried to convince myself that I would be happy watching their lives from the far end of the table whenever I was invited to dinner."

He paused. "Do you remember what you told me on the night you volunteered for the Advance Guard?"

"Something cheeky, I suspect."

"You told me you wouldn't let anything bad happen to me." Lupin snorted. "Sirius had a good laugh over that one, at my expense, of course."

Tonks smiled softly. "Yes, he would have, wouldn't he?"

"I know you didn't understand then, and I wonder if you even understand now, just how much that meant to me, whether you were being cheeky or not." He took a step towards her. "Dora, I can count on one hand the people in my life who have truly cared about me and at the time, two of them were already dead. Now, it's four gone."

"Remus..."

"But then...there you were. Telling me you'd look out for me." Lupin reached for her hand and ran his thumb over her wedding ring. "I didn't want to care about you because I didn't want to lose you, too."

She sniffed and tried to give him a superior look, but her eyes were wet and red. "Well, then it's a good thing I never take no for an answer."

"A damn good thing," he agreed. "Because now I have everything I thought I never would. You made me a husband and a father and even though I was a great bleeding prat for far too long, I just want to say...thank you." He tugged on her hand, pulling her close enough to put his arms around her. "And...no matter what happens tonight or tomorrow or next week...I will always, always love you."

"You are a prat," Tonks told him in between salty kisses. "But you're my prat and I love you, too."

Teddy made a little sleepy baby noise, drawing their attention to the cot. Tonks leaned back against her husband's chest. "I think I'll want another one," she said a little while later. "A girl would be nice."

He smiled into her hair. "I think I'll want a couple more."

"Are you planning on coming up with a spell that will let you give birth to them?"

Lupin just held her tighter as they watched their baby sleep. "If I've learned only one thing in the past two years, it's that anything, absolutely anything is possible, love."

* * *

The next night, as they gave Teddy a bath amidst much splashing and laughter, Kingsley's Patronus appeared in the middle of the kitchen.

_A call for help has come from Hogwarts...it is time to fight. _

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued


	10. May 1998 Part 2

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: I hadn't planned to write this chapter, but once I started, I couldn't stop. I think only a few people are even reading this at all, so for you few, but awesomely faithful, I will say that the final chapter (the one after this) has been written and I hope you enjoy these final two installments. Thank you so, so much!

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. - A. A. Milne_

_

* * *

_

"This isn't a matter for debate, Dora." Lupin dragged his hand through his shaggy, greying hair as if the gesture would make his wife understand. "I'm going and I want you to stay here with Teddy."

Clearly, it had no effect. Tonks narrowed her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "Did you get your Auror certification when I wasn't looking, Remus?"

"I bloody well taught Defense Against the Dark Arts!" He could feel his fear and frustration mounting. "I can handle myself in a fight!"

"And I trained under Mad-Eye Moody himself!" she shot back. "I know dueling spells you've never heard of!"

In his cot, Teddy started to cry. He had never heard his parents so much as raise their voices before; hearing them yelling at each other scared him.

Lupin reached for his son. "I'm sorry, mate." He pressed his lips to Teddy's black hair as the boy's cries faded into whimpers. "It's all right." His eyes found Dora's. "Everything will be all right."

"You don't know that." She shook her head back and forth slowly. "You can't promise me that you'll come home, can you?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked as calmly as possible. "Stay here while our friends fight and die?"

"It's what you're asking me to do."

Lupin breathed in the scent of baby shampoo from Teddy's interrupted bath. "I know. And I know how unfair that is. But Dora..." He paused. "It's for Teddy. Everyone will understand."

The front of indignant anger that she'd put on in order to keep from breaking down suddenly cracked. A choked sob rose up in her throat and she ran for her husband and son, stumbling over the edge of the rug in the process.

Lupin caught her up in his free arm. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, wetting his collar with her tears.

"I can't lose you, Remus."

"You..." His throat closed up. "You won't." With his chin resting on the top of her head, Lupin drew her even closer. "I have loved you from the moment I met you. And I intend to keep on loving you for many, many years to come."

Tonks gripped his jumper. "Promise?"

They seperated only long enough for him to lay Teddy down again. As soon as he could, Lupin cupped his wife's face in his hands and gave her a slow, deep kiss.

He broke the kiss to mumur, "I'll be back."

Their foreheads touched as fresh, hot tears streamed down Tonks' cheeks. Her own hands cradled his head; her fingers stroked the hair at his temples. "I love you, Remus."

After lifting his son up again for a kiss goodbye, Lupin handed the child to his wife, gave her one more kiss and Disapparated. With the baby against her shoulder, Tonks sank down onto the edge of the bed to wait.

* * *

How had the castle he had once called home become a battlefield?

The fighting going on all around him left Lupin little time to ponder the surreal situation. The world had been going mad for so long that there really wasn't any horror that was unimaginable anymore. If he stopped and mourned the loss of innocence taking place as the student of Hogwarts prepared to defend their school, he would break his promise to Tonks and never return home again.

A Death Eater shot across the lawn from the ruins of Hagrid's hut. Lupin threw a curse at the blur of black smoke, but it missed. He pursued it back into the castle, hurtling curses until one finally hit its target. The inky mist formed into a man that Lupin recognized from wanted posters; Lupin's curse sent him crashing into a stone wall.

He recovered quickly though and faced Lupin. "Werewolf," he sneered.

"Been called worse than that, Dolohov."

Dolohov grinned, baring a mouth of crooked, yellow teeth. "I've never had the pleasure of killing one of you before."

"Don't get too attached to the idea." Lupin lunged forward, brandishing his wand. "_Stupefy!"_

The Death Eater blocked it and the duel began.

* * *

Andromeda found her daughter pacing back and forth across the nursery. She was wringing her hands and her hair was white with fear.

She knew what Dora was thinking before a word was spoken. Mother's instinct.

When Tonks noticed her mother watching her, she came to stop. "Mum..."

"Is there anything I could say?" Andromeda blinked rapidly to fend off her rising panic. "Anything at all...to make you stay here?"

Agonizing guilt raced through Tonks, threatening to rip her to pieces. "I can't. Please understand, Mum..." She pressed a hand to her heart. "I have to help them."

"I know," her mother said after a long moment. "That comes from your father, by the way."

Tonks shook her head. "It's from you, too."

"I was never a fighter," Andromeda said with a touch of regret. "Never brave like this."

"Yes, you are, Mum. You married Dad." She gave her mother a tiny smile. "Don't tell me that wasn't brave."

They embraced for a long moment until Tonks forced herself to pull away from the safety of her mother's arms. She leaned down to touch Teddy's impossibly soft cheek. He cooed in his sleep, his little rosy lips opened and closed.

For a split second, Tonks changed her mind. How could she leave him behind in order to go off into a war zone? How could she be so selfish as to think she could be a mother and a fighter at the same time?

But then she imagined Teddy growing up in this dark world, never living a normal life that was free of fear, and her resolve returned.

"Whatever happens..." Tonks started.

Andromeda stopped her. "You needn't worry about him. Understood?"

Tonks nodded tightly. Glancing back down at her baby, she thumbed a tear away and kissed his forehead. "Love you, my little stinker."

Straightening up, Tonks took a second to secure her wand in her hand and turn her hair bubblegum pink. With a jaunty wink, the same kind she had given her parents every year when she boarded the train to Hogwarts, she disappeared.

* * *

It wasn't that Dolohov was better than Lupin. In fact, any witness to their fight would have agreed that Lupin was the superior duelist. But there was one thing for which even skill and power couldn't account. One thing that could become the difference between life and death.

Sheer dumb luck.

In the middle of the duel, Lupin heard his wife's voice. Instinctively, he turned his head to seek out her beloved face. At that instant, Dolohov sent a curse hurtling towards him.

Even when Lupin fell to the ground, he never felt pain. There was actually very little feeling at all in those last few seconds and that was a relief. He had always hoped that neither James nor Sirius had suffered when they died.

Rather than his entire life flashing before his eyes, he just saw faces. Teddy, Harry, Sirius, Lily, James...Dora.

Lupin stared at the arched stone ceiling without seeing it. Dolohov had already retreated and he was alone. As his vision dimmed, Dora's face was still with him. Her smile was warm, like a ray of sunshine.

_"Is it all right if I fancy you?" she asked one night at Grimmauld Place after Sirius had passed out from Firewhiskey. "Remus?" _

"Remus? Remus, where are you?"

Tonks was there, somewhere nearby. Lupin wanted to call back, to bring her to him, but the energy that would have taken had already left his body.

"Please..." His mouth moved, but only the trace of a whisper came forth. "Stay safe..."

Lupin's eyes drifted shut and he saw no more.

* * *

Tonks never found her husband in the chaos of the battle, but she had no idea how close she came to literally stumbling over his body.

If she had made it to the end of the corridor and turned the corner, she would have seen her worst nightmare come to life...but she never got that far. Bellatrix found her first.

Her aunt attacked without warning and Tonks narrowly dodged the green light that erupted from her wand. She shot back a curse of her own which Bellatrix easily blocked. This worried Tonks; was she that out of practice with dueling or was her magic, like her body, different now for having had Teddy?

"Little bitty Nymphie." Bellatrix's voice oozed sweet poison. "Is it true that you went and bred with your werewolf?"

Tonks felt her stomach twist at the mere thought of Bellatrix knowing anything about her son. She said nothing as they circled each other.

"I should have killed you a long time ago," her aunt hissed. "Before you could infect the Black family tree!"

"When have you ever thought of me as part of your family?" Tonks snorted. "I'm actually glad you don't. I despise the fact that we share any blood at all."

Bellatrix grinned behind a curtain of tangled black curls. "After I kill you, I'm going to track down your half-breed puppy, Nymphie."

Tonks had never uttered the Killing Curse and had hoped that she would never have to. But right then, with Teddy's life threatened, it rolled off her tongue without any hesitation.

But Bellatrix was as quick as she was evil. She spun out of the curse's path, laughing wildly. "I think you meant that one!" she crowed.

"I will kill you if you ever do anything to hurt my family." Tonks shot off another curse, but again, it missed her aunt by inches. "My mother...my husband...my son...you will never do to them what you did to Sirius!"

"And how do you intend to stop me?" Before Tonks could say anything, Bellatrix shouted, "_Crucio!"_

Pain. Like nothing she had ever felt, not even in childbirth. She collapsed to the stone floor; her wand rolled out of her hand. Tonks could hear herself screaming. She wanted to stop, to keep her aunt from having the satisfaction, but she was no longer in control of her body. All she knew was agony.

She tried to feel for her wand, but it was out of her reach. Bellatrix appeared over her like a dark angel. "Any last words, Nymphie?"

Her limbs jerked as her nerves burned with invisible fire. Still, Tonks managed to close her eyes. She saw Teddy cooing in his sleep...her mother in the kitchen making her favorite steak and kidney pie...Mad-Eye embracing her at the wedding...Sirius pouring her a glass of Firewhiskey...the Order of the Phoenix gathered for Molly Weasley's cooking...Harry Potter's gratitude when the Advance Guard took him away from Privet Drive...her father's huge smile when she passed her Auror test...

Remus catching her as she tripped over the umbrella stand in the dusty hallway of Grimmauld Place...

_"That's my baby cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, that you've got your hands on, Remus," Sirius told his oldest friend. "Be careful with her." _

When she opened her eyes again, a great wave of peace washed over her.

"Even if you kill me, you won't beat me," Tonks whispered. "You've wasted your whole life on hate...and I've known nothing but love." She smiled, a genuine expression of pure happiness. "I win."

She heard the curse, but she never saw the green light. She was already in a better place.

Where Lupin was waiting.

* * *

To Be Continued


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Thank you. It's been my pleasure to tell this story and I so, so hope you've enjoyed reading it. Until next time...

* * *

Of Nymphs and Wolves

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

_Sometimes the poorest man leaves his child the richest inheritance. - Ruth E. Renkel_

_

* * *

_

On the day of his parents' funeral, Teddy Lupin met Harry Potter for the first time.

From the moment Harry woke up at the Burrow on that dreary morning, he wasn't sure he could make it through another burial, especially a double one. Fred Weasley had been laid to rest the day before and the service had nearly ripped out his heart.

And now it was time to say goodbye to Tonks and Lupin, two of Harry's favorite people in the world. Not only had they taught him invaluable lessons and come to his aid in battle more than once, but they had made him godfather to their baby boy. It was going to be an excruciating day.

After a very quiet breakfast, Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys caught a Portkey to the cemetery where so many other heroes of Hogwarts had been buried in the week following Voldemort's defeat. Chairs were already set up and mostly filled with mourners. The remainder of the Order of the Phoenix, Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout, the unmistakable bulk of Hagrid, Bill and Fleur, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom...Harry was grateful to see them all, but wondered if there would ever come a day when they weren't all gathered for a funeral.

A tent hung suspended in the air as a precaution against the cloudy grey sky. Twin coffins lay side by side beneath it, just as Harry had seen their occupants lying in the Great Hall. One was covered with pink peonies; the other bore a simple, but elegant arrangement of white lilies. In between the coffins stood a large, moving portrait of Tonks holding a tiny infant with a tuft of blue hair. Lupin's arm was around her as he smiled down at them both.

Harry swallowed back a lump in his throat. Just then, like she knew he needed a distraction, Ginny came up behind him and slipped her hand into his. "Isn't that Mrs. Tonks over there?" she asked.

He followed her eyes and saw Andromeda sitting in the first row of chairs. She wore all black, except for her hat which was pink. There was a baby carrier in the seat next to hers; she was rocking it gently, but mechanically.

"Yeah. And that must be Teddy." Harry was surprised at the dullness of his voice. Shouldn't he be eager to see his godson? Why was his stomach so suddenly unsettled?

Hermione approached them with Ron trailing closely behind. Her eyes were already red with unshed tears. "I think they're getting ready to start, Harry."

"You okay, mate?" Ron asked.

Harry tore his hand away from Ginny's in order to shove his fists into his pockets. He could feel the crumpled piece of parchment that had kept him awake until the early hours of dawn against his knuckles. "Fine." He nodded to a few empty seats in the second row. "Shall we?"

Hermione gave Ginny a sad smile of encouragement after Harry strode off. "Professor Lupin was his first real link to his parents," she reminded Ginny. "And I think...maybe it's hard for him that he couldn't stop Voldemort before he made someone else an orphan."

Ginny sniffed delicately. "I just want to be there for him. Like he was for me yesterday."

Ron patted his sister's shoulder. "He'll come 'round, sis. Trust us."

After taking a moment to collect herself, Ginny nodded. Together, the three of them followed Harry and took their seats for the funeral.

* * *

When Kingsley Shacklebot asked Charlie Weasley to come to the podium, Harry was puzzled. He hadn't realized the second oldest Weasley knew either Tonks or Lupin all that well.

Ginny, seeming to sense his confusion, leaned closer to him. "Did you know they dated in school? Charlie and Tonks?" When Harry shook his head, she added, "It wasn't for long. Mum always thought she'd be better for Bill, anyway."

"So did we for a long time," Hermione confessed.

"Well, we didn't know she fancied Lupin, did we?"

At the podium, Charlie cleared his throat and the girls quickly hushed up.

"I met Tonks on the Hogwarts Express when we were eleven. She bet me a Sickle that she could turn her nose into an elephant's trunk. Needless to say, I lost."

A ripple of amusement ran through the rows.

"But my loss turned into a profitable enterprise. Sorry, Mum, but we spent the rest of the term tricking older students out of their parents' hard-earned money. No one believed that a first year could pull off a spell like that."

Charlie paused for a second, as if gathering his thoughts. "Tonks was always extraordinary. Funny. Brave. Fearless. She could have been with me in Gryffindor, but I think the Sorting Hat knew that underneath everything else, Tonks was fantastically loyal. I wasn't all surprised to learn that she'd joined the Order. It just was so...well, so Tonks. Doing what her heart told her was right, while thoroughly enjoying thumbing her nose at the Ministry."

"The last time I spoke with her was at my brother's wedding. I asked if she was happy and she told me..." He expelled a pent-up breath. "She told me she didn't want to change her face anymore...because she'd finally realized exactly who she was always meant to be. I thought she meant a wife, which I never would have expected I'd hear her say. But then I learned she was going to be a mother."

Charlie glanced at the picture of Tonks and Lupin. "I loved Tonks...but I loved dragons more. I used to wonder if I'd made the right choice between the two, but I figure everything ended up as it should...because look at her." He gestured to the photograph just as Tonks proudly beamed up at Lupin when Teddy waved his little fists. "Just look at her..."

Blinking, he refocused. "I will never forget that tiny, pink-haired girl with an elephant's nose. And like a lot of you out there, I will be so grateful that not only was she my friend, but that she gave her life for all of ours." Charlie lifted his shoulders. "So like a Hufflepuff."

If Harry hadn't been staring straight forward, fighting with the lump in his throat, he would have seen Hermione and Ginny leaning on each other as they quietly cried. Ron's eyes were lowered, but from the way his Adam's apple was bobbing, he was fighting the same battle as Harry.

As Charlie walked back to his seat, he paused at the caskets just long enough to tuck a silver Sickle underneath the peonies.

* * *

It started raining as Kingsley turned his attention to Harry. With a nod of encouragement from Ginny and a wobbly smile from Hermione, Harry stood up on weak knees and slowly walked to the podium.

His hands shook as he unfolded the bit of parchment from his pocket. It was barely even legible; there were ink blots and countless spelling errors. After staring at it for a long minute, Harry finally gave up and looked out at the mourners. Breathing deeply to gather courage, he began to speak.

"It's funny, but I met Lupin on the Hogwarts Express, too." His eyes shifted to Ron and Hermione. "I expect a lot of the best friendships start there." Harry could see Hermione's lower lip start to tremble, so he rushed on, "But Lupin was my teacher and he was brilliant. When he came to Hogwarts, we'd gone two years without learning much in Defense class. He changed all of that."

Harry refused to look at the baby carrier next to Andromeda as he continued. He just wasn't ready yet.

"Lupin had this fantastic way of teaching. He made class fun. All of us...we couldn't wait to see what he'd come up with every week. But Lupin taught me so much more than how to fight a boggart or a grindylow. He got me to face my greatest fear and showed me how to conquer it."

Harry looked back down at his notes, but he could barely see the words through a film of hot tears. "In a way, he also gave me my parents. Where everyone else just seemed to revere them, Lupin actually knew them. He made them more real for me. If that makes any sense, at all."

After momentarily removing his glasses in order to scrub his sleeve across his eyes, Harry went on, "One of the things I want to see change after all of this is the way we look at people who are different. Lupin was a werewolf, through absolutely no fault of his own, and very few people ever gave him a chance because of it. If they didn't fear him outright, they did everything they could to make things difficult for him." Harry could feel anger bubbling up in his chest, hot and acidic. "He should have been an Auror or at least had a permanent post at Hogwarts. Instead, he..."

Out in the chairs, Hermione gave a slight shake of her head. It wasn't the time or the place. With that one gesture, Harry stopped and collected himself.

"Sirius Black told me once that it wasn't fair that he got to spend so much time with my parents and I never did. I guess someday I'll say the same thing to Lupin's son. Because it isn't fair. It really isn't." He paused for a long moment. "But I think...I mean, I'm only guessing, of course...but maybe he didn't mind dying as much because he knew the world was going to be better. Happier."

After another long pause, Harry finished, "I just wish he and Tonks were here to see it."

He didn't remember walking back to his seat, but once he was there, Ginny reached for his hand again. This time, he let her take it and he didn't let go through the rest of the service.

* * *

With a wave of his wand, Kingsley lowered the caskets into the ground. Another flick sent a gentle cascade of damp earth raining into each grave until they were filled. This seemed to be a signal that the funeral was over; the mourners started to disperse, either Disapparating or heading for the Portkeys that would take them to the reception.

Harry, however, had one last thing to do.

"Go on without me," Harry told Ginny. To reassure her, he gave her a kiss. "I won't be long."

Still, Ginny hesitated until Hermione and Ron urged her towards the Portkey. She glanced over her shoulder all the way there, though, until Harry was out of her sight.

Back at the graves, Harry wasn't the only one who had stayed behind. Andromeda was still sitting in the front row, practically in the exact same position, like she hadn't moved through the entire service.

Harry approached her carefully. "Mrs. Tonks?"

She spoke without ever looking away from the mound of dirt under which her daughter now rested. "Hello, Harry. Lovely to see you again."

Coming around in front of her, Harry got his first look at Tonks and Lupin's son. Teddy had fallen asleep during the funeral; his head was covered with a knitted cap and matching miniscule mittens and socks kept his hands and feet warm.

"I think he looks like his dad."

"Time will tell." Andromeda blinked and swung the full weight of her stare onto the boy. "I intend to raise him, Harry. You are his godfather...it's what they both wanted...but you're also seventeen. You're not prepared to care for an infant."

"Oh, I know that." Harry pushed his hand through his unruly hair. "I don't even know how to be a godfather! I mean..." He lifted his slumped shoulders. "What should I do?"

"You tell him, Harry." When he glanced at her, Andromeda continued, "You tell him everything. You make sure he knows his parents as if he'd grown up with them."

Teddy opened and closed his fists in his sleep. Unconsciously, Harry reached out to touch the baby's tiny fist. Even through a layer of knitted wool, Teddy grabbed his godfather's finger in a tight grip.

Andromeda watched the Boy Who Lived Again as the beginnings of a smile touched his eyes, turning them into emeralds.

"When he's ready, Harry...when he can handle it, you tell him that what they did...it was for him." She reached out and touched a tiny curl of dark hair that had escaped Teddy's cap. "Help him understand that they would do it all again if it meant his safety and happiness."

After a moment of silence, Harry nodded.

Teddy yawned, blinked and flexed his palm, releasing Harry's finger. Andromeda lifted him out of the carrier and offered him to Harry.

"Oh...I've never..." he started to protest.

"You'll have to get used to holding him if you intend to visit him. You will visit him," she said, looking him straight in the eye. "Won't you?"

Harry hesitated another second before gingerly taking Teddy from his grandmother. It was all the answer she needed.

"Support his head," Andromeda advised. "Like that, yes."

He couldn't believe how light the baby was or how terrifying something so small and cute could be, but with Andromeda's help, Harry settled Teddy into the crook of his arm. Teddy's gleeful smile rounded his chubby cheeks. He showed absolutely no signs of discomfort or stranger anxiety or fear. He just seemed happy, even in this place, with his parents buried beneath the ground.

"Do you think..." Harry's throat stuck, so he tried again. "Do you think he knows they're gone?"

Andromeda closed her eyes, like the question hurt. When she opened them again, her lashes were wet. "I think maybe part of him does, or at least feels that things are different now. But babies this young...they forget so quickly." She busied herself with tugging Teddy's right sock back into place, but Harry heard her murmur, "Not like us."

"I won't let him forget," Harry vowed.

Tonks' mother smiled softly. "They didn't know this when they decided, but they couldn't have made a better choice than you, Harry. You, of all people, know how important it is to remember."

The rain had stopped while they talked; just then, a single beam of sunlight shot through the clouds and illuminated the stone marker that flanked the graves.

_In Loving Memory_

_Remus John Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks Lupin_

_May 2, 1998_

_Those things which are precious are only saved by sacrifice._

_

* * *

_

_"Remus?" She took a burning gulp of Firewhiskey and leveled him with her question again. "Tell me...is it all right if I fancy you?"_

_"Is it...?" He stared at her in disbelief. "Why would you ever want to, Tonks?" _

_Her eyes sparkled. "Why wouldn't I want to?" _

_"I could hurt you," he said after a long time. "In more than one way."_

_"I'm tough. I'm an Auror," she reminded him. _

_Lupin shook his head with regret. "Sirius told me to be careful with you."_

_"Oh, you great prat!" Tonks laughed. "Don't you realize...it wasn't me he was worried about..." _

_

* * *

_

Fin


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